The Christmas dance was AMAZING!!! It really was the most perfect night. I went with my best friend in the world, was in a group with all the rest of my best friends, danced the night away, laughed until I cried, had some amazing dinner and even more amazing slow dances in snow. And my corsage was beautiful and my date looked amazing. So it was great 🙂

Now my brother is coming home tomorrow!!!!!!! I’m pretty dang excited. It doesn’t really feel like two years sometimes, but then other times it seems like it’s been forever since I’ve had a nice long talk with my brother or watched a movie with him. My dear brother is sometimes a pain, but most of the time he’s a really awesome guy who just knows too much 😉 Anyway the honest truth is I miss him like CRAZY. We were pretty close before he left even though he knew way too much trivia….and I miss that. So basically I am very excited for him to come home 🙂

Oh, and then Christmas 🙂 I need to finish up some presents because I’m a slacker….anyway it doesn’t matter I’m just excited for everything 🙂

Family. Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. My extended family is slightly crazy. And by slightly crazy I mean extremely crazy. But it has made me realize something. My immediate family is pretty darn amazing. They care about me, provide for me, help me, and don’t have mental breakdowns that involve hanging up the phone and screaming swear words at each other. No family is perfect, but slowly I’m figuring out that my family is pretty close. Because they’re great. And we want to make each other laugh and want to help each other out. And in one week, my family is going to be completely together again for the first time in two years. So it doesn’t matter that the extended family is crazy. Because the rest of us, we’re pretty great.

So I had a bad weekend and then a good weekend. Friday I sat around and did absolutely nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. But that was ok. Because I have Netflix. Then on Saturday I spent the day with Randy doing a million things and it was great. And then we met up with Luke and Morgan to look at the lights. And we got lost a few times and I freaked out but all in all it was great. Some things weren’t so great though. I’m figuring out things that I kind of wish I didn’t have to figure out. That it’s easy to slip away because of what someone thinks you want. Or maybe they just don’t care. I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m saying. I’m happy-ish. And that’s good, right? There’s a song I listen to a lot at Christmas and it reminds me of a lot of people, sadly.

Please take down the misletoe
Cause I don’t wanna think about that right now
Cause everything I want is miles away
In a snow covered little town
My momma’s in the kitchen, worrying about me
Season’s greetings, hope you’re well
Well I’m doing alright
If you were wondering
Lately I can never tell

I know this shouldn’t be a lonely time
But there were Christmases when you were mine

I’ve been doing fine without you, really
Up until the nights got cold
And everybody’s here, except you, baby
Seems like everyone’s got someone to hold

But for me it’s just a lonely time
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine

Merry Christmas everybody
That’ll have to be something I just say this year
I’ll bet you got your mom another sweater
And were your cousins late again
When you were putting up the lights this year
Did you notice one less pair of hands

I know this shouldn’t be a lonely time
But there were Christmases when I didn’t wonder how you are tonight
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine

You were mine

So today in seminary we watched part of President Monson’s talk “Dare to Stand Alone.” We do these kinds of things frequently in my seminary class. I hadn’t heard that talk though, because it was in the priesthood session. It made me think really really hard. I need to make sure I’m strong enough to stand by myself. To stand up for something and stand alone. I think I am, but I need to keep doing things to really be sure that I am. I owe the Church everything that I am, and I need to make sure I’m worthy to go to the temple with that amazing boy some day and have that amazing family that I already love. In some areas I have had to stand alone. I have let go of things that other people haven’t. I have gotten through things that if I had been smart, I wouldn’t have had to go through.

ALSO in English the other day we watched part of Hamlet. And it made me so sad. They really really loved each other. I don’t think some people understand the past of Ophelia and Hamlet’s relationship. They weren’t just some crush that didn’t work out. They were in love. They were in love for the entire play. It hurt my heart a bit (And yes that is Ashley’s phrase that I just stole)

ALSO. Sometimes people just say that everything is fine…but then you continue to have proof that it’s not fine. Then what? Huh? That’s all 🙂

I love old movies. So very very very very much. And I haven’t watched a good old movie in a very long time. I need to fix that. But being in two one acts, being a back up singer in two songs PLUS being in eight more regular songs for the revue, having a ton of homework, working on DTV, and trying to have a healthy social life, I probably already watch more TV than I should 🙂 I waste more time than I should. But I think I’m figuring something out. People come and go in your life, your only obligation is to be happy. Of course you’re going to have unhappy days and not be happy with some rules, but in the end the rules are the things that make you happiest. That, I can guarantee. And I think that people are forgetting that obligation that they have, the one that says…”Who cares what they think, say, or want for you. What do you want? What do you need?” Crying is ok, it’s a healthy release of emotion that we keep bottled up too much. But I think there would be a lot less stress and unhappiness if people stepped back and said “In ten years, will this matter?” The answer to some things is yes; those are the important things. But the answer to that question for most everything we focus on is NO. It won’t matter. It doesn’t matter. So breathe, cry, laugh, sleep late, eat too much food, waste a little bit of time every day, pray a lot, get lost in the scriptures, work hard and play hard. Yeah 🙂

So I wasn’t really affected by the huge windstorm. But seeing the destruction was crazy. And also seeing how people pulled together and helped each other was crazy too. People really care about each other and want to help each other get better. People always talk about how they want to leave here, get out of this small Mormon town, but I appreciate it. I want to leave and see other things, but I know some day I’ll be back. Because I want my kids to grow up with the small town helpful, cheerful, everybody in your business life. Because I love it, and hopefully, they will too.

So I feel pretty lucky right now 🙂 I probably shouldn’t, it will end up coming back to bite me and I’ll be all depressed…but still. Right now, I am the luckiest girl in the world.

-I have Randy 🙂
-My friends are great
-My family is also great 🙂
-I have good grades
-I have lots of yummy food
-I got 6 callbacks for one acts
-I have lots of itunes money
-I have good plans for Christmas gifts
-Life is good

I am lucky 🙂

So I haven’t posted in a while….sorry! Thanksgiving was great 🙂 I have so much to be thankful for. I got to spend a lot of time with my family and it was fabulous. The food was great and the company was even better. Except for when we got into a smallish fight. But that’s not something to worry about 😉 My friends are amazing and I love them dearly, and I just have a lot to be thankful for. Chocolate, sweaters, shopping, music, the gospel (which is EVERYTHING in my life,) Randy, my snuggie, good movies that make me cry, cheese-its, apple pie, raspberry jam, boots….the list could go on and on and on. But for the sake of saving my time and the 2 reader’s time as well…I won’t. I just have a lot to be thankful for, and I am. I am getting rid of the past. There’s a reason some people don’t make it into the next chapter of your life. I am happy with the people in my story now and I hope most of them stay. The people that aren’t here don’t need to be, and I don’t need to wish they were. Life is good 🙂

So on Saturday I had to leave Anatevka. For good. And it was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I changed some of my acting decisions because I couldn’t do things the way I’d done them before. Because I was leaving. I had to hug Morgan goodbye. I couldn’t be mad at Kira…we were both crying too hard. Juston’s voice shook as he told us we had to go. Shows come and go…people don’t have to. This class was really really hard for me. But I’m so glad I had the chance to be involved in this show. Because every second of it was so worth it. I learned about me and about other people, and about these incredible Jewish people we were portraying. Their dedication, and how we can all take a lesson from them. When I sang the words “I belong in Anatevka….” I meant them. Because I do belong there. We all do. So let’s not let it escape from our hearts, because even though we left, it doesn’t have to leave. The feelings don’t have to leave. I love my amazing Musical family and I always will.

Ooooh the words I could say right now. There aren’t enough words to say everything I need to. So I’ll resort to bulleted lists.

-Fiddler on the Roof/Musical Productions. Life changing. Yet again 🙂
-My family is so cute to me even when I’m a pain.
-Having three periods in the day where you have to do virtually nothing is a blessing.
-Randy is so cute to me and is the best friend in the world 🙂
-My friends are supportive and I love them 🙂
-My “fake” productions family is amazing and I love every one of them.
-Sometimes people think they’re going to change your mind by making a scene. Prove them wrong.
-Everyone has those days where they want to cry. Help them out.
-Nutella Waffles are probably the best thing ever.
-Waking up to a cute text with flowers next to you is great 🙂
-Figuring out how strong you are is beautiful
-There’s nothing better than a warm sweater first thing in the morning
-Music is my sanity
-Popcorn=GREAT
-Sometimes Netflix occupies a good amount of my time
-My poor future husband hasn’t had an email written to him in quite some time….
-This is a month to be thankful…and I have never felt so blessed 🙂