I have a calling. It’s called playing the piano for the Primary kids during singing time. I love it so so so SO much. The kids scream and try to sing over each other, they are so engaged whenever we talk about Jesus, they love playing little games, and are so easily distracted. In a lot of ways, I wish I was more like them. And I’m going to try to be. They love coming to church and learning about Jesus. They don’t think it’s uncool to sing, or play the games. They hold hands and hug, fight for a minute and then forgive. They think everyone looks pretty and don’t judge me when I miss a note.

So long story short, I think Christ had a point when he asked us to be like little children. Not be childish, but be child-like. Through this calling, and actually this ward, I’ve learned even more how much I love little kids. I think it’s in part that I feel so close to my own kids that I don’t know yet. Somehow, Heavenly Father has blessed me to kind of know them, to know who I need to be so that they can be a part of my life. And that’s something I’m truly grateful for. So long story short, it’s my goal to be more like a little child, to be the kind of person that can raise children. 🙂

So maybe I heard this song today. And it reminded me of you.

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Here’s a little story 🙂

Once upon a time there was a bird. This little bird was great until one day, right before she was supposed to learn how to fly, she saw a bug. This bug convinced her to stay on the ground.

So she stayed with the bug.

Until she learned that the bug made her protect him from all the other animals that might eat him. He made her provide shelter for him in the rain and help him find food. She kept staying with the bug because the bug would tell her how wonderful and strong she was, how much he loved her protection and how much he appreciated her. But the bug could do nothing for the bird in return, and the bird never expected anything back.

Once she saw all the other birds flying, and realized she was on the ground with a good-for-nothing bug, she decided to leave the bug. The bug was angry and swore he would never compliment or flatter her again if she left.

The bird was very very sad. Then, another bird approached. The other bird told her she was a very beautiful bird and that she should spread her wings and learn to fly. The bird was skeptical to listen to this other bird, after all, the bug had taken advantage of the bird. This other bird might do the same.

The other bird said he would teach her how to fly. So they practiced every day. And they chirped with laughter at some things and cried together when the bird fell. One day while practicing, the bug crawled by and laughed and laughed, saying that the bird would never learn how to fly. She was good for nothing. The second bird dried her tears and told her that she would fly one day.

Slowly, the bird learned to trust the other bird. One night, the other bird said he thought she was ready to fly. The bird was very excited. She asked him to come with her, but he said no. It was something she had to do herself. She said she would rather stay on the ground with him than fly alone. The other bird said no, then he would be no better than the bug.

So the next day, she flew. Alone.

And after she learned to fly alone, they flew. Together.

These girls are pretty great. Basically, productions is pretty great. And we get to sing again tomorrow. I wanted to share something I learned from productions that I think a lot of people need to learn. I realize that not a lot of people read this little blog, but I need to say this for me. So I have on record that I learned this and I can know how important it is.

Let go.

Some people are supposed to be in your life forever. Some people only have a paragraph or a page or a chapter in your life story. Don’t ever regret that page, but don’t let it ruin the rest of them. I love every single person I met in productions last year and this year, as well as friends I had in the past. I will never, ever regret the time I spent with them because of the things I learned. But if I lived my life for the rest of time wishing for that back, pouring my energy into the things that are gone, it would be a complete waste. I’m not saying I will ever not keep in touch with those people or remember and laugh about all the good times. I’m just saying that they are going to shift in my heart, from being such a huge part in the present, to being a part of the past. You can’t keep every character from your life exactly where they are. Don’t try to, because then you loose the chance to meet the characters that need to be in the now. I love every friend I’ve had, the Viewmont kids, the productions kids, girls from ballet, and all the childhood friends that I don’t really remember. But the important thing is to keep people in perspective. Who needs to be in your life now? Who needs to be a great memory that you sometimes get to say hi to in the grocery store? Who needs to be someone that you let go of? That’s all.

Rasin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the reason I have trust issues.

This is so very true. NO but really, have you seen those cookies?? You grab one and you’re like “Oh this will be so yummy and CHOCOLATEY” Then one GINORMOUS bite later, you have chewy bits of fermented disgusting in your mouth. And then you want to cry because all you wanted was a brown-sugary cookie with a smack of chocolate. Stupid rasins.

So I haven’t blogged in a while. But I need to say something about how wonderful Musical Productions has been. I didn’t think I’d ever get to the point where it was over, and in some ways I don’t think it is over. But I would never, not for a million dollars, change what I’ve learned and been through during the past two years of productions. I made lifelong friends and had life-changing experiences. I learned how to breathe, and be myself, and give, and let go, all at the same time. Everyone in my productions family is amazing and we were all part of the experience for a reason. I figured out my reason and I think everyone was part of the experience to help me more than anything. I learned so much from everyone. I have a family who I love, Traditions are important, I will always belong to Anatevka, we’ll always be One Voice, we’ll all be Homeward Bound again soon. Shows come and go, people don’t have to.

Hmmmm … Hmmmm … Hmmmm … Hmmm …

When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not
And who I am

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
Still looking up.

I won’t give up on us (no I’m not giving up)
God knows I’m tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We’ve got a lot to learn (we’re alive, we are loved)
God knows we’re worth it (and we’re worth it)

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

So MLK day is coming up soon. And for English we get to read the Letter from Birmingham Jail. And we get to pick a quote to do a artsy craftsy poster on 🙂 SOO I found two quotes I like

–Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

–Seldom do I pause to answer criticism of my work and ideas.

These are both brilliant. He was a brilliant man, just sayin’. Lukewarm acceptance, wondering why people are being so fake and not telling you how they really feel, that is almost worse than knowing someone dislikes you. But I also love the idea that you don’t have to pause and accept or answer to anybody or their criticism.

ANYWHO that’s my little thought of the day. Any help in picking out of those two quotes would be appreciated.:)

So today was a little crazy, staying at the school for a while, then homework and chores at home. But when I was running around playing tag with a little girl while waiting to go onstage, I realized that life really is about the small things. I couldn’t help but laugh with her while we were going crazy. I was there with Randy which made it even more fun. It kind of scared me to think that within five years, I could have a little girl of my own. I’m pretty sure I’m not ready for that. But maybe I will be at some point, I guess I have to be, right? 😉 I love kids even though sometimes I dislike babysitting. I think I didn’t like babysitting back when I thought I was missing out on so much to be there instead. But I realized that I wasn’t missing anything, that I was gaining things. I wish I had more time to babysit the kids in my neighborhood. But soon, I’ll have my own and I’ll be begging for babysitters!! Until then, I need to find joy in the journey. Life is just a big old journey, and you win the game when you figure out how to be happy 🙂