Life Update: When It Rains…

It pours. It freaking pours.

We’ve had quite the week.

I’ve been mad, I’ve been hurt, I’ve been scared, and I’ve been embarrassed.

Oh, so embarrassed.
I haven’t wanted to talk about it, to think about it, let alone post about it or ask anyone for help.

I was so embarrassed because I thought we had it all together. I thought people would see that I had lost my job and think “Wow, she must have gotten fired” (which I didn’t) or “How dumb is she for waiting around to get laid off” or “That’s so embarrassing for them to have to go through this.”

I completely planned to never tell anyone and just let people think I had a job change or something.

Then I saw all the Instagram stuff going around about being more real, and true. Not only putting the most perfect moments out there. I also had a million experiences that made me so sure this was what was supposed to happen. SO I’m putting aside my ego, and telling it like it is. Being real, raw, and vulnerable.

So here it goes.

On Monday, I walked into my office and we had a crazy day.

I got home that night, and then didn’t have a job anymore.

Budgets got cut. But just a couple days earlier I had been reassured that my position was moving, that I was going to be OK, and that there was nothing to worry about.

Monday came, and everything I had been told and reassured about, went out the window.

I full-on panicked. Randy has been doing school full-time and we made enough money that we had decided he didn’t need to work for a semester or two.

So now neither of us had jobs. And we were having a baby. Yikes.

We had a chunk of money saved, but were planning on using that for the baby, Randy’s tuition, etc. So now we were left wondering what we do.

Randy gave me a blessing and it was extremely clear that this is all part of the plan, a blessing in disguise. I had a really hard time seeing it like that (and to be honest, some of the day I still do).

But it seriously is miraculous how many things have come together.

We moved to our South Jordan apartment last September because it was halfway between Provo and the U. We were slated to leave in April, and just a few weeks ago our landlord had asked if we’d consider moving earlier, as the next tenants were getting married in February and were going to have to find temporary housing until April. We told them we would let them know, but didn’t see any reason to move earlier than April, and they were fine with that.

Well, we texted our landlords to see if the new tenants would still be interested in moving in. And YES they were. So, we packed up and moved to Kaysville over the weekend, allowing us to save a lot of money, be close to family, and shop around for houses (we are hoping to buy after we know where Randy will be working when he graduates).

I have done freelance work for a company for a few months, and they’ve been asking me to put in more hours lately. So I texted my contact there, and I’m now a 40 hour a week employee there. No job hunting for me, just working. PLUS getting to work from home a lot more and the option of part-time/remote work when baby boy comes.


I seriously go from crying from stress to crying from gratitude every other minute. It’s such a beautiful reminder that even though I’m not sure what the future holds or how everything is going to come together, it’s all going to be OK and we’re going to survive.

So we are figuring it out, feeling happy, and I’m feeling so much more myself than I would have imagined I would. It feels right. Which is SO strange. But I look back and see how all the little pieces of our life have come together to make this work out.

Randy has been a rockstar. Letting me cry and whine and complain, always keeping a positive attitude and reassuring me that everything would be OK. He has been so awesome in taking dozens and dozens of boxes to our cars so I don’t have to lift a lot, putting up with my panic attacks, working with me on fine tuning little details, and more. He has never complained once, or made me feel that I did anything wrong. I can’t even explain how much I have relied on him, and how much he has stepped up to the plate and taken care of me and our family.

Also, this little boy. Holy cow this little boy that we are going to have is so wonderful. I feel like every kick is a reminder that I have a plan and we have important things to do. It’s like he’s reminding me that he’s here for me and can tell when I need comfort.

Anyway, this rant is coming to a close. The point of the matter is this:

Nobody has it all together. You can make a million plans and be as prepared and cautious as you think is possible, and things still happen. You don’t need to be embarrassed or worry about what people will think about your lack of “having it together.” Sometimes it’s about trust and faith. Things work out. Miracles come together to help get everything where it’s supposed to be. And the people who love you will ALWAYS be there for you.

That’s all, friends. Here’s to looking forward to the many more storms Randy and I and our family will get to weather together.

24 Week Bumpdate

Symptoms: I put on some of my high heels this week and they were tight! I’ve been SO worried about swelling because I have SO many shoes hahaha.
Sleep: I’m getting lots better sleep, my back is still hurting a bit and sometimes it takes a while to get comfy.
Baby is: The size of a GI Joe! Which is so fun since he was the size of a Barbie last week! He moves around lots, and this week especially I have felt like he is always letting me know he’s there and reminding me what matters.
Gender: BABY BOY! 
Dad is: A rock star. We’ve had the craziest week, which included a job change for me and MOVING. Dad hauled ALL the stuff to our new place and was there for me every second I was unsure and crying and freaking out. He’s just amazing
Mom is craving: Random things at random times, chocolate shakes one minute, broccoli the next, it’s all weird.
Funny things this week: I’ll do a whole post on a life update we’ve been having, but our life has been NUTS. We are so blessed to have amazing family and friend who have been there to help us every step. Randy is a rockstar, and we just feel so lucky that this little boy will be making our family even more complete soon. 

23 Week Bumpdate

Symptoms: My back is still killing me which is not fun! 
Sleep: I’m still having crazy dreams which is interesting, but getting lots of sleep which is good!
Baby is: The size of a Barbie doll! This made me laugh so hard. He moves allllllll the time, loves to rock out to music, and when Randy will put his arm around my stomach or anything, little dude will kick or punch right where Randy’s arm is! 
Gender: BABY BOY! 
Dad is: Determined his son will play the drums, and has started looking at drum sets for him hahaha
Mom is craving: Popcorn. Not much else but I want to eat alllll the time!
Funny things this week: We’ve had a crazyyyyyyyy past few days, and I feel like little man is constantly moving and reminding me that he is there and that he loves us! We also went to the temple and little dude was bouncing around, making me laugh the whole time which was funny! 

22 Week Bumpdate

Symptoms: Lots of back pain, especially after sitting my office chair all day – I really need to find a new one! 
Sleep: Lots of vivid dreams still, and if little dude is sitting just right it’s IMPOSSIBLE to lay down. He also loves to bounce around right before bed.
Baby is: The size of an ear of corn! Little dude moves around a lot and dad feels him punch or kick all the time. 
Gender: BABY BOY! We’re starting to look at nursery decor and I have some really fun ideas that I’m excited about! 
Dad is: Getting so antsy for little man to be here! It’s adorable.
Mom is craving: Kale smoothies and ice cream – a perfect combo, right?
Funny things this week: For some reason I feel like I have to have EVERYTHING ready in the next few weeks, which is crazy. But I’ve been buying up gear and things like crazy! Am I the only one??

21 Week Bumpdate

We’ve been getting back into the grind of working and school which has been crazy! The saddest thing happened this week, my poor mom tore her meniscus falling on the ice! So we’ve been running up to Kaysville to help get her to her college classes (yes, my mom goes to college! #mastersdegree). It’s been so hard to see her hardly able to move, but it’s been great to spend more time with her! Randy’s first few days of classes have been going well and we are loving 2018 so far! 
On to the bumpdate! 
Symptoms: My hair is WACKY. Most people say their hair gets thick and shiny with pregnancy, mine has been breaking and being ridiculous! I’m so sad because I love my hair and have never had issues with it! 
Sleep: Sleeping is still sometimes difficult but I feel more rested which is nice! 
Baby is: The size of a baseball cap! At our 20 week ultrasound we were told he has a small stomach and I have a low lying placenta (all compared to the averages) so we are heading back for a follow up ultrasound in February. I’ll take any chance to see little man! He moves ALL the time and I will be at work or in bed and just bust up laughing because it’s so funny to me. 
Gender: BABY BOY!
Dad is: So sweet to little dude, and so on board with all my crazy pregnancy emotions that have me crying all the time.
Mom is craving: Pho (as usual) and that’s about it! I am SUPER hungry all the time though which is so weird! 
Funny things this week: Little dude just moves around like crazy, my app says baby should sleep 14 hours a day but I swear he is awake 24/7! 

Winter Maternity Wear

We live in an amazing time friends! Maternity wear is a dream because so many things are perfect for pregnancy, and post pregnancy! I haven’t bought any shirts that are actually labeled “maternity” yet because there are so many options! Jayne Nash has some DARLING options especially for winter. I’m the biggest fan!

New Year’s Eve

The rest of our Christmas break was really relaxed, lots of time hanging with family and playing games, going to movies and out to eat.

On New Year’s Eve we got to hang out with some friends and play Couple Scattergories which was SO fun.

We were so lucky to have such a wonderful break with family. It gave us some much needed time off and I’m heading into the new year ready for anything (I think?)

I’m hoping to blog more and take more pictures, and start doing videos more regularly. I feel like I always say that I’ll do that and then I never do, but we’ll see!

Here’s to a new year and new goals, new challenges and new ways to grow!

20 Week Bumpdate – Halfway There

How in the world are we HALFWAY THERE! I swear it feels like yesterday that we were in our little apartment, shocked and over the moon that we would be having a baby. It feels like the days are long but the weeks and months have FLOWN by.

With the holidays and craziness we skipped a week 19 bumpdate, but things didn’t change a ton over that week so that’s lucky!

Week 20:
Symptoms: My back still hurts sometimes but other than that, I feel fit as a fiddle! 
Sleep: I have crazy dreams and little dude moves around sometimes making it hard to go to sleep, but I wouldn’t trade him moving and jamming out for anything! 
Baby is: The size of a paper airplane! He moves ALL the time which is so fun. Randy has felt him move several times which just makes it even more exciting. I feel like we have our own secret language because he is so wiggly and it is so awesome to feel so connected.
Gender: BABY BOY – for sure! We had a wonderful family shower after Christmas and little dude got SO SPOILED. He’s going to be the best dressed kid on the block! 
Dad is: Just wonderful, still practicing and can’t wait for our guy to get here.
Mom is craving: not much this week! We had tons of Christmas candy and that was delicious! 
Funny things this week: Little dude’s cousins were all in town for the holidays and it was SO sweet to hear Candace say that the baby loves her!