She walked into the room, tired and unhappy. She only came in here when she was unhappy. Nobody knew when she came in here. It was just her, alone. She slowly opened the door of her chest and pulled out her heart. This one was very sad. It was cracked all over. She looked at the cracks, remembering how they came. There was a huge smash in the middle from what someone said. Smaller chunks taken out from things she should and shouldn’t have done. She looked to see what she could salvage. She pulled out a piece here, a piece there. All nice things that she wanted to keep. She threw the rest of the unsalvagable mess into the pile of other, unsalvagable messes. She reached for the ingredients on the shelf, threw in the small pieces she wanted to keep, and mixed up a brand new heart. While it was cooking, she worked on a new face. She threw away the frown and whipped up a brand new smile. It was too happy, but it would work with the new heart. She slid it on and it felt uncomfortable, but she knew she would grow into it. With help. She pulled out the heart, cooked to perfection. Full of memories of nice things. It was smooth and perfect. She was sad a little, she knew it couldn’t last. But she would try and keep it together for as long as possible. There were things she could do to mend cracks, forgiveness she could give and offense she couldn’t take. There was especially one person she could cry out to in the middle of the night who would send down a kiss that would fix the cracks, through His forgiveness. But eventually, like all the other hearts in the room, this one would break beyond repair. And she would labor over a brand new one. She would come into the room and remember all the old hearts, and be sad for them. But she learned from them. She learned how to put up a cage to keep some things away. She learned new and better ways to fix her heart. She learned that it was ok to throw the hearts away sometime. But she always, always dreaded coming into the room of smiles and hearts. But she always left feeling better.

So this weekend was good 🙂 I’ll give you the general run-down. Friday I got home from school, changed my clothes, and went almost immediately back to the school to practice my song with Bandy. Then we danced for like two hours. It’s fine. It was way fun. Then I ran home and changed because I was foul, then off to Juston’s house for a party. It was crazy and fun. We danced and sang and listened to music and had arm wrestling and push up contests. I came home tired and happy, only to find a note, flower, and cookies on my doorstep. I still have no idea who did it, if it was a joke or the well-intentioned sweet service that I’m taking it as, but it was nice either way.

Saturday I woke up WAY TOO EARLY and headed to the school. Once there I got to spend six hours with some of my favorite people, dancing. It was a blast. Exhausting, but a blast. Having lunch and talking and laughing with Andra, Bonnie, Syd, Chad, RyLeigh and Randy was so much fun. Letting go of Productions has been hard for me, and I’m so glad Andra knew that this was a way that I could still be connected while slowly letting it go. After dancing I went home and changed, ate some food, and then went right back to sing in the Cystic Fibrosis Benefit Concert that Amanda put on. It was so much fun to be there with everyone, laughing and messing up onstage. I got to sing with my best friend and that was a treat.

Then some stuff happened….I’ll spare you the gory details. But Randy and I tried to shake it off and went to Morgan’s house. It was a blast hanging out with everyone with the Hunger Games going on in the backyard and talking to Mo’s mom about life.

I am going to vent about the bad stuff that happened this weekend, but know that if you’re reading this it’s NOT about you….at all….in any way, shape or form. So with that being said.

Being a friend means you support someone. You don’t just call them when it’s convenient for you. You care about their life even if you don’t really want to know or don’t agree. You treat people with respect and love and you don’t pretend you’re perfect when you know you’re not. Mostly you just don’t take your friends for granted or expect them to act a certain way or be kicked out. Basically….

So…..I love Disney Channel movies. Sue me. Recently I watched “Geek Charming” which was ADORABLE. And soon (as in after my AP tests are over and I have control of my life again) I intend to watch HSM3 which is basically the recap of a senior year, not at all similar to mine, but adorable. So here’s a song from it that I love. Love. Love.

Take my hand, Take a breath, Pull me close,
Take one step, Keep your eyes locked on mine And let the music be your guide.
Won’t you promise me (Now won’t you promise me, that you’ll never forget)
 You’ll keep dancing (To keep dancing) Where ever we go next.

It’s like catching lightning, The chances of finding someone like you.
It’s one in a million the chances of feeling the way we do.
And with every step together, We just keep on getting better.
So can I have this dance? (Can I have this dance) Can I Have this dance?

Take my hand, I’ll take the lead, And every turn will be safe with me,
Don’t be afraid, Afraid to fall, You know I’ll catch you through it all
And you can’t keep us apart (Even a thousand miles can’t keep us apart)
Cos my heart is where ever you are.

It’s like catching lightning, The chances of finding someone like you.
It’s one in a million, The chances of feeling the way we do.
And with every step together, We just keep on getting better.
So can I have this dance? (Can I have this dance) Can I Have this dance?

Ohh no mountains too high and no oceans too wide,
Cause together or not, our dance won’t stop. Let it rain, let it pour.
What we have is worth fighting for. You know I believe that we were meant to be.

Oooohhh. It’s like catching lightning, The chances of finding someone like you (like you)
It’s one in a million, The chances of feeling the way (way) we do.
And with every step together, We just keep on getting better.
So can I have this dance? (Can I have this dance)
Can I have this dance? Can I have this dance, Can I have this dance?

Roll down the windows darling.
Who cares if they hear?
We’re past all the insecurity of security.
It’s music to our ears.

We’re going way too fast,
Down a road we don’t know.
We pull up and fake the smiles,
Put the face on just for show.

But they don’t know us darling,
Even the ones that think they do,
Know nothing. Really nothing.
About the me of you.

So we’ll stand outsiders,
But laugh into ourselves,
Over the pointless things that they hold near,
But we’ve put on the shelf.

So we’ll walk down the dark asphalt,
The broken street lights flitting,
Dance under the thousand stars,
And never dream of quitting.

Roll down the window darling,
Scream the lyrics into the dark,
Forget the crackling fire that is them
Forget their igniting spark.

So we’re driving away from all of it,
Their belief that they have won.
We’re staying with windows and lyrics,
With the rest of it, we are done.

Isn’t it interesting how….

A picture of someone else says so much about who you’re not.

The words not spoken about you speak volumes.

You slowly slip away, unnoticed.

You wanted them to notice.

Enough being sad and nostalgic.

So….

Here’s a fun story.

Sometimes at work Kira and I go crazy and the new girl thinks we’re insane. It’s fine. Really though. And then Jessi and I talk about all sorts of things, then the nice family that was golfing (who was also semi-strange) brings up the bucket that the golf balls go into on the last hole. The hidden, underground bucket that keeps the illusion that the golf balls simply “disappear” after a game.

“Here’s this bucket! We thought you might want it.”

“…..thank you?”

The end.

So here comes a long post with a story included 🙂 This blog isn’t read by too many people and it’s kinda my journal? Ish? Anyway I don’t feel bad making a long story post because the people who read it will want to read it 🙂

With that being said.

First of all some spiritual thoughts. So we had a Seminary class president meeting about things to do with our class. And we’re doing a “spring cleaning” of things to clean out of your life through the Atonement. It’s an excellent idea really. And so during class when we were talking about Isaiah and, repentence of all things, I started freaking out about things I’ve done. Freaking out that getting up in seminary to talk to my class about the Atonement would be hypocritical. And then I flipped over to Isaiah 41: 8-13. Go read it. It’s amazing stuff. I think it hit me, for the first time in a few years, I’m fine. I’m doing what I can and everything in the past doesn’t matter. Because the Atonement is real, and if I keep trying not to make mistakes, the ones that do slip out are fixable. It’s a great thing to know.

Anyway change of topic now. Here’s a story about boy meets girl. Sue me if I copy Abi Newhouse. Actually…don’t sue me. That isn’t the point.

Once upon a time, Tipper and Muffy met tea at the Grand America Hotel around 2:00 PM. Neither of them liked tea, but it would be a shame to not get dressed up and go. Tipper was hoping his favorite cakes would be on the menu, and Muffy was hoping an old boyfriend would be there so she could flaunt her new hat and dress, to show him what he was missing. A funny thing happened. Muffy’s ordinary table was somehow taken, most likely due to the fact that her old beau had a new girl, and the table was under his name, the table Tipper had requested was given away to an out-of-town dignitary. So Muffy and Tipper wound up sitting at the same table, a two person, white starched table cloth, rosy colorful china, hot chocolate rather than tea, finger sandwiches and Lady Baltimore cake type of table.
Wellll helllooooo, she said in her snobbish tone.
Yes mmand hellooo to you as wellll he said in an equally snobbish tone.
They sipped hot chocolate, pretending it was tea, raised their eyebrows around the room, sniggered at each other when their eyes met.
I reeeeally must be going, Tipper announced after his third slice of cake.
Mmmhmmm yes oh really I muuuuuust as well, Muffy annouced, trying to delicately swallow a bitter cucumber sandwich.

It was love at first sight.

Be prepared for a LONG post 🙂

First of all. I went to prom this weekend. And it was FABULOUS. Best dance ever I think it’s safe to say. So I spend all day getting ready and doing my hair. And I slip on my dress and feel great. And Randy knocks on the door and I open it. He looks at me, then proceeds to stumble inside and start taking the corsage out of the box and get ready to put it on…and I’m all…well hello to you too….and then I pinned on the boutinere…first try 🙂 And we took some pictures…an then we were off. We rode in Randy’s car…which normally would’ve bugged me, but it didn’t that day. We had fun driving and got to SLC and parked, marvled at the pillasters and columns in the ionic order at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building, got some CUTE pictures…..had a bit of an ordeal with the dinner plans after which we just said “to heck with it” sat down and ordered. Our waiter was SO funny and nice and we had good food….and good dessert. We even sang Jordyn Happy Birthday so she could release a balloon into the atmosphere.

Then off to the dance. We got pictures at the dance too and then danced our hearts out, commented on the architecture, walked around on the porch and saw the city, slow danced and sang while we did. Needless to say, it was perfect. We drove home using our new-found accents to comment on how “spleeenddddid” the night was. We stopped by Randy’s house and saw his parents, who are great, then off to Cam’s house for some cuddling and “How to Train Your Dragon.” Then I fell asleep on the way home….and I’ll leave the doorstep scene to your own imagination.

To sum up everything…..

Prom was perfect. Senior year has been more or less perfect. Everything is going swimmingly. 🙂

There will soon be a post about prom, so I thought I should make a pre-post about everything that happened before prom!!!

Yesterday we went to State One Acts and it was grand. I had so much fun with the cast of our show and Advanced Theater. We messed around on the bus with a boombox, got in trouble at Walmart, met a talking garbage can at McDonalds, watched some…interesting shows, ate frosted flakes and danced to Beat It, made fun of the other shows in our warm-up, seriously thought about redoing the entire show just because it would be funny, “performed our little hearts out”, got back to Davis and screamed the song while pounding the bus, and got to take my Baby home 🙂 It was a great day!! Then I made cookies and “studied.” Then Hailee came over. I love her. We ended up talking about a lot of things that have been going on lately. Let’s just say, right now we’re on the same page about some things. Some things she’s going through I can’t even relate to, and some things I’m going through she can’t relate to. But we are on the same page. And it’s nice being on the same page.

NOW. PROM IS TODAY!!!!!!!!! AND I’M FREAKING OUT!!!!!! Let’s just set the stage…shall we? I’ve never been to Davis prom with someone I really really like. I’ve gone with two friends and it was a BLAST. But never with someone I felt all romantial about. And it’s my LAST PROM.

SO. To sum up.

Last prom.

With my best friend in the whole world.

Who I happen to kinda sorta maybe be in love with.

Let’s just say.

I’M STOKED.

I couldn’t agree more.

Flutterbies. Everywhere you looked. The flutterbies. Flying in and out and around the dark sky. Sometimes hiding the moon and sometimes letting it shine. For a moment. Their wings were silent, yet the wings of all of them together made a rush in her ears. In her heart. She stifled screams and extended her hands to let the energy inside of her run out her fingers, instead of out her mouth. And the flutterbies flew. She closed her eyes tight to replay the moment when they started flying in. From everywhere. Flooding the canvas of her life. Flooding inside of her stomach and head. Then they froze. For one moment. Then started flying twice as fast and twice as many. She forgot to breathe until they reminded her with the swishing of the air beneath their fluttering wings. She had some kind of illness. How was he doing this??

Just the flutterbies.