Nobody panic, I’m not becoming the spokesperson for girls who aren’t serving missions. This may also apply to young men who aren’t serving! And maybe not every girl feels like this. But I’ve been in situations where I’ve seen girls struggle with the decision about a mission for reasons that they shouldn’t have to worry about. I’m not insecure in my decision, nor am I angry or offended. I’ve just seen so many girls, myself included, become discouraged because of these issues. Some say they don’t see the judgment happening, or that I shouldn’t have to address it. But it’s out there, and I feel like it needs to be addressed, if only so people can understand what it feels like. Also, I know that not everyone assumes things about girls going on missions, some people are very open and happy with anyone’s decision. This is just my rambling to those who I have come in contact with who don’t understand some of these things, and I want to clarify.
10 Things Girls Who Aren’t Serving Missions Want You To Know
1. We still love the Gospel. Yes, that’s right! Just because we aren’t dedicating a year and a half of our lives to solely preach the Gospel, doesn’t mean we aren’t dedicating every day of our lives to the Lord. We are looking for ways to help, serve, teach, and minister every single day. Even though we don’t wear a badge on our chest, we all have “badges painted on our heart” as Elder Nelson would say.
2. When you go on about how attractive sister missionaries are, how you’ll only marry an RM, and how much of a better mom a girl is who has served a mission, it can hurt our feelings. You probably don’t mean it to be offensive, but it is. We look at the path we’ve chosen as inferior in your eyes. We see our future children and wonder if you’re right about their mother and how less spiritual she’ll be. We wonder if we should go and serve solely because it will make us more attractive to you. We think our personal scripture study, the fulfilling of our callings, our desire to serve others, our teaching and helping those around us, isn’t enough. We’ll still be great wives and mothers, promise!
3. We appreciate it when you recognize those of us who haven’t served missions in your lessons/talks. We love missionary work. Honestly we do. What we don’t love, is feeling that we missed out on the only right option by choosing not to serve. The Church’s focus IS missionary work, but that doesn’t necessarily mean a full-time mission. We love hearing about how to serve as a member and how to be an example to those around you no matter where you live. We’re not crazy about lessons detailing how every, single person should serve a mission, it’s always the best option, you’ll never be close to the spirit like you will be on a mission, asking people if they have a mission story they’d like to share, or saying “If you’ve served a mission, you understand this…” This can also offend guys who were worthy to serve, and weren’t able to.
4. We’ve prayed about our decision. I was a little taken back when a member of my ward asked me if I’d prayed about my decision to not serve. That’s a very personal, and very frustrating thing to be asked. So let me just put all your minds at ease, we’ve prayed about it. Or we’re praying about it. We’re going to be obedient to the answer we’ve been given, and hopefully that’s acceptable in your eyes.
5. We aren’t all looking to get married. Sometimes it seems there are two options; go on a mission or get married. Some of us aren’t doing either. Sure, we’re open to the idea of marriage, but we didn’t stay home from missions to get married right away. Some of us are focusing on school, careers, church service, and some of us were just plain told not to serve a mission and we’re making it our goal to be a tool in Heavenly Father’s hands, wherever he needs us. I’ll go where you want me to go, oh Lord…even if that means staying right here.
6. No two of us are the same. We have different goals, different reasons for not serving. Some sisters don’t have the desire to serve, and that’s ok! Some do have the desire, and couldn’t go for medical or other reasons, and that’s ok too! Some of us have the desire to serve, and through personal revelation realized that serving a mission was not part of our plan. And that’s ok too! Some of us are older, some of us are younger, it doesn’t matter! We’re all different, we all love the Gospel, and we’re all striving to be our best selves.
7. We appreciate when you’re proud of our accomplishments. Sometimes it’s hard to watch you get so excited when someone is submitting their mission papers, gets their call, or is heading out, and not be as excited for the good things we’re accomplishing. Sometimes, we feel like the things we’re doing aren’t important or wonderful. Help us see that going to school, getting that job, acing a test, or taking time out to help others, is exciting and important too.
8. We’re proud of our fellow sisters. We applaud them and their diligence, we appreciate them and we love them. We want to help the missionaries and show our support for them. We value their service as our sisters and we want them to accomplish great things. Our choosing not to go has no reflection on sister missionary service, or women’s place in the church for that matter.
9. We are busy. We probably aren’t busy in the same way full-time missionaries are, but we are busy! We’re going to school or working, serving in church callings, helping our families and friends, taking time for personal worship, reading, learning, growing, helping, teaching and a million other things!
10. We need your love! Sometimes it’s easy to feel down, beaten, and inferior. We appreciate every single person who lifts us up, makes us smile, and helps us realize we aren’t alone. And we love you right back!
Here Is The Low Down 
Thanks so much, can't wait to check out your blog!
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Thanks for sharing your experience!! You are wonderful!
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Thanks for sharing your experience!! You are wonderful!
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Thank you SO much for your comments! I really, really appreciate it!
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Thank you SO much for your comments! I really, really appreciate it!
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Brittany, you're right, it's not a commandment! I never said it was, it is, however, a priesthood duty. Plain and simple, general authorities have said as much! We all have agency and we all need to work with our priesthood leaders, and pray, to find our own path. My call is to stop the judgment for everyone, men and women, regardless of their choices! People who serve missions are wonderful, and people who don't serve missions are still wonderful! Everyone has a place in this gospel! Also, I am a natural redhead, and have been since birth! My comments were neither sexist or gender stereotyping, just simply quoting the General Authorities! Thanks for your comment!
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Brittany, you're right, it's not a commandment! I never said it was, it is, however, a priesthood duty. Plain and simple, general authorities have said as much! We all have agency and we all need to work with our priesthood leaders, and pray, to find our own path. My call is to stop the judgment for everyone, men and women, regardless of their choices! People who serve missions are wonderful, and people who don't serve missions are still wonderful! Everyone has a place in this gospel! Also, I am a natural redhead, and have been since birth! My comments were neither sexist or gender stereotyping, just simply quoting the General Authorities! Thanks for your comment!
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Lisa, I agree that people should be worthy and prepared to go on a mission. I'm so glad your mission was a good experience, and I'm quite confident I'll be learning things in these years of my life that I'm not on a mission, that will also make me a good wife, mother, church member, citizen, teacher, and Christian. I'm sure your daughters will learn the right lessons either way! I know Heavenly Father asked me not to go for a reason, so he'll obviously help me be spiritually mature without it. From your other comment I realize I may have offended you, and I apologize. I also believe that egos and arrogance have no place on missions, and in this gospel, and neither does judgment and unkindness! Thanks for your comment!
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Lisa, I agree that people should be worthy and prepared to go on a mission. I'm so glad your mission was a good experience, and I'm quite confident I'll be learning things in these years of my life that I'm not on a mission, that will also make me a good wife, mother, church member, citizen, teacher, and Christian. I'm sure your daughters will learn the right lessons either way! I know Heavenly Father asked me not to go for a reason, so he'll obviously help me be spiritually mature without it. From your other comment I realize I may have offended you, and I apologize. I also believe that egos and arrogance have no place on missions, and in this gospel, and neither does judgment and unkindness! Thanks for your comment!
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Thanks for this post. It says a lot of things that needed to be said. I did serve a mission, it was a great experience, and sisters are definitely a valuable asset to any mission (they get in many doors elders can't) but the Lord has plans for people, and sometimes a mission is not part of it. I really hope and pray that one day soon this judgement will stop. Every time I see it, Matthew 7:1, part of The Sermon on the Mount comes to the forefront of my mind. \”Judge not, that ye be not judged\”. All commandments lead us back to the greatest commandment, to love one another, and it is hard to love someone when you are judging them.Last Sunday, I ventured down to spend the day with my cousin and her family. We went to the singles ward (she is married but is a fair amount older than me and helped raise a lot of them). After sacrament, the bishop came down from the stand and talked to me as he usually does, but this time he said \”Nick, are you dating anyone?\” \”No, sir just dates every once in a while\” \”How old are you?\” \”27\” \”Did you serve a mission?\” \”Yes, sir\” \”Let me know when you are coming back down this way, I would like for you to meet a sister who is at a family wedding this week\”. He went on from there… After reading your post, it has gotten me thinking, my mission ended in 08, almost 6 years ago. Instead of asking about missions at points like this, wouldn't a better question be \”Do you live worthy to attend the temple? How often do you attend?(this one especially, because I live 10 mins from the temple, and he knows it.) Do you do your Home Teaching? Seek to serve others daily?\” If we are truly trying to get to where someone stands with the Lord, current actions speak louder than any mission gone on previously. I have known a few RMs who have come home, gone inactive and are doing things you would hope no one would do. On the other hand, I have known a few spiritual giants that the Lord told to not serve a mission. I guess what everyone here is saying is don't judge a book by its cover, even if it is emblazoned with the letters RM.
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President Thomas S. Monson has said: “Every worthy, able young man should prepare to serve a mission. Missionary service is a priesthood duty—an obligation the Lord expects of us who have been given so very much. Young men, I admonish you to prepare for service as a missionary” (“As We Meet Together Again,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 5–6).
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President Thomas S. Monson has said: “Every worthy, able young man should prepare to serve a mission. Missionary service is a priesthood duty—an obligation the Lord expects of us who have been given so very much. Young men, I admonish you to prepare for service as a missionary” (“As We Meet Together Again,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 5–6).
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As a mother of two sister missionaries, one an RM and the other currently serving, I admit I took issue with your post. I did recently come across this article that was written about your post and I wondered if you agreed with what they had to say at all.http://forthwriter.blogspot.com/2014/08/response-to-10-things-girls-who-arent.html
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Thanks for your comment!
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Thanks for your comment!
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First of all, let me say I am in no way suggesting that sister missionaries are bad. In fact, I even wrote that we love sister missionaries! I'll be addressing this article in a post sometime this week. Thanks for your comment!
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First of all, let me say I am in no way suggesting that sister missionaries are bad. In fact, I even wrote that we love sister missionaries! I'll be addressing this article in a post sometime this week. Thanks for your comment!
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Thank you so much for posting this!! Ever since the age change I've received so much pressure to serve a mission and even though I fully know the blessing a mission can bring to someone's life and the lives of others, Heavenly Father has a different plan for me. I know He is pleased with the choices I am making even if people at church are not! Thanks again!
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Thank you so much for posting this!! Ever since the age change I've received so much pressure to serve a mission and even though I fully know the blessing a mission can bring to someone's life and the lives of others, Heavenly Father has a different plan for me. I know He is pleased with the choices I am making even if people at church are not! Thanks again!
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I'm not saying that you think sister missionaries are bad. I don't think anyone has said that from what I can see. What concerns me is how you seemed to depreciate what missions accomplish. If I had sons I would hope they found themselves attracted to the kind of qualities that I've seen my daughters develop as missionaries that they otherwise couldn't have. Like the other writer said there are other ways to develop, but we've heard time and time again in general conference that nowhere can you experience growth like you do on a mission for the Lord. I just think you could have been more encouraging to those not sure whether they should serve that serving is often the best choice.I look forward to reading your post.
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Yes, it is a commandment. President Kimball said \”We are not merely inviting people to go on missions. We are saying, this is your work!\” He went on to say \”I was asked a few years ago, “Should every young man who is a member of the Church fill a mission?” And I responded with the answer the Lord has given: “Yes, every worthy young man should fill a mission.” The Lord expects it of him. And if he is not now worthy to fill a mission, then he should start at once to qualify himself. The Lord has instructed, “Send forth the elders of my church unto the nations which are afar off; unto the islands of the sea; send forth unto foreign lands; call upon all nations, first upon the Gentiles, and them upon the Jews.”This commandment has not been rescinded, and it has been reiterated nearly every General Conference since then. Do not tell anyone that it is not a commandment, because it is. For the young man who joined the military, thats great. But he had the opportunity to take a 2 year leave and serve a mission for the Lord. The Lord will never tell a young man NOT to serve. He needs them all serving Him in the field. For girls, its not a commandment…but don't assume that because other young women are going on missions and getting pat on the backs because of it, somehow they are saying you should have gone. Thats not true. Be ok with being happy for them, and they will be happy for you.
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I pretty much just wanted this post to reach the 100 comments mark, so here ya go. 🙂
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I'm sure the last thing you need right now is another person thanking you for your beautifully written post, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Thank you SO much! Trying to explain how I've felt to other people who asked why I wasn't serving a mission over the last year has been close to impossible. You phrased everything perfectly! I hope your call for others to not be so judgmental of those whose paths are different from their's continues to be successful and they continue to have their eyes opened. Our stories are all different, but we are all promised the same happy ending if we live righteously! And I think a part of living righteously is learning to be accepting of others and learning to not be judgmental! Heavenly Father is teaching me to be a missionary in my own right! If I had chosen not to follow that prompting to stay home, I wouldn't have learned the things that he needed me to learn. I know that is the same both ways: whether you go on a mission or not, if you make your decision guided by the spirit, God will put his children in your path that he needs you to help! Not being on a mission doesn't make us any less worthy to serve God in our own ways. Again, THANK YOU so much. I don't know that you will ever comprehend the amount of people you have impacted by choosing to follow the spirit and post this. You're great!
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I'm sure the last thing you need right now is another person thanking you for your beautifully written post, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Thank you SO much! Trying to explain how I've felt to other people who asked why I wasn't serving a mission over the last year has been close to impossible. You phrased everything perfectly! I hope your call for others to not be so judgmental of those whose paths are different from their's continues to be successful and they continue to have their eyes opened. Our stories are all different, but we are all promised the same happy ending if we live righteously! And I think a part of living righteously is learning to be accepting of others and learning to not be judgmental! Heavenly Father is teaching me to be a missionary in my own right! If I had chosen not to follow that prompting to stay home, I wouldn't have learned the things that he needed me to learn. I know that is the same both ways: whether you go on a mission or not, if you make your decision guided by the spirit, God will put his children in your path that he needs you to help! Not being on a mission doesn't make us any less worthy to serve God in our own ways. Again, THANK YOU so much. I don't know that you will ever comprehend the amount of people you have impacted by choosing to follow the spirit and post this. You're great!
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There is a detrimental stigma about serving missions. My husband and I got pregnant and married as teenagers and he devoted his life to school and work to create a future for us. He remained faithful at church, but felt ostracized because he didn't go on a mission. We had one situation where once the Elders quorum found out he wasn't a return missionary, they no longer called on him to pray, answer questions, or included him. He was still a worthy priesthood hold er. People talk like everyone should have gone or has and treat you like some sort of social pariah if you haven't. What about converts or others in our situation doing the best they can? It's wrong to go around talking and assuming everyone has served a mission and they're not good people if they didn't. There is an elitist culture in this church that needs to be corrected.
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There is a detrimental stigma about serving missions. My husband and I got pregnant and married as teenagers and he devoted his life to school and work to create a future for us. He remained faithful at church, but felt ostracized because he didn't go on a mission. We had one situation where once the Elders quorum found out he wasn't a return missionary, they no longer called on him to pray, answer questions, or included him. He was still a worthy priesthood hold er. People talk like everyone should have gone or has and treat you like some sort of social pariah if you haven't. What about converts or others in our situation doing the best they can? It's wrong to go around talking and assuming everyone has served a mission and they're not good people if they didn't. There is an elitist culture in this church that needs to be corrected.
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Missions accomplish amazing things and I appreciate that more than anything! I understand 100% the importance of missions. What I do wish, however, is that the accomplishments of others are seen for what they are as well! There are lots of amazing things that a mission can help someone become, but I'm more than confident the hundreds of general authorities and their wives who haven't served were able to reach their potential without a mission. Especially now when women are fully given the option, not the obligation, to serve, I want everyone to understand that there is a unique plan for everyone, and that a mission just may not be part of it. Both serving a mission and not serving are good options, and the best choice, in my opinion, is following the council God gives you. Thanks for your comment!
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Missions accomplish amazing things and I appreciate that more than anything! I understand 100% the importance of missions. What I do wish, however, is that the accomplishments of others are seen for what they are as well! There are lots of amazing things that a mission can help someone become, but I'm more than confident the hundreds of general authorities and their wives who haven't served were able to reach their potential without a mission. Especially now when women are fully given the option, not the obligation, to serve, I want everyone to understand that there is a unique plan for everyone, and that a mission just may not be part of it. Both serving a mission and not serving are good options, and the best choice, in my opinion, is following the council God gives you. Thanks for your comment!
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Thanks so much for your comment, I fully agree!
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Thanks so much for your comment, I fully agree!
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Haha thank you!
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Haha thank you!
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Thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate all you had to say:)
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Thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate all you had to say:)
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Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm at an age right now when I'm thinking about whether I need to serve a mission or go to college. I know that I will do what the Lord wants be to do and I think that you are so brave for doing the same!
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Several years ago I had just experienced a broken engagement. I was at a loss as to what to do at that point. I was 21 and so naturally thought maybe a mission was the answer. I prayed daily to know if this was right until one day my answer came. It was clear and unmistakable. A mission was not what was planned for me. I felt good about this answer, not be a I didn't want to serve, but because I knew it came from God. My step-father, however, felt differently. He asked if I had prayed, and when I told him I had, he told me I was wrong about my answer, that the Lord would never tell someone not to serve a mission. His reaction hurt me, but the comfort of the Spirit has helped me then and now to know that my mission was and is to help direct those at home whom I can influence.
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I have my own unique mission story, but this puts into words exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for writing this post and sharing your heart. This post makes a difference and I'm so grateful you took the time to write out your thoughts. Thank you for your incredible example!
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I have my own unique mission story, but this puts into words exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for writing this post and sharing your heart. This post makes a difference and I'm so grateful you took the time to write out your thoughts. Thank you for your incredible example!
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I shared your post on my blog as I wrote about my own experience with deciding on a mission. http://ashleyfrederickson.blogspot.com/2015/08/my-mission-decision-and-his-will.html
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I shared your post on my blog as I wrote about my own experience with deciding on a mission. http://ashleyfrederickson.blogspot.com/2015/08/my-mission-decision-and-his-will.html
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Thanks so much for sharing!
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Thanks so much for sharing!
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What a lovely read! Thank you so much for sharing – your story is wonderful and I think it will help so many people!
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What a lovely read! Thank you so much for sharing – your story is wonderful and I think it will help so many people!
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Thank you so much! I really needed to hear all of this! It's nice to know that other people feel the same way that I do.
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You are not alone! If you ever want to talk more, feel free to shoot me an email! Nobody is alone in this!
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You are not alone! If you ever want to talk more, feel free to shoot me an email! Nobody is alone in this!
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Thanks so much for sharing your comments. Even though I have served a mission, loved it with all my heart, and would love others to know what it feels like to serve a full-time mission, I know like what you have said that it is not for everyone. I had so many friends asking me for advice on what made me decide to serve a mission because they were having insecurities as to why they didn't get the answer to serve. But like you said, it's still okay whether you serve a mission or not. It really is an issue that needs to be brought up because many women have struggled with this issue especially since the age change. But a couple things I realized from my friends that didn't serve a full-time mission were still missionaries in my eyes. My best friend helped fellowship so many people into her ward by following the promptings of the spirit and helped them come unto Christ as a member missionary. And frankly, these people that she helped, probably wouldn't have come unto Christ if she did serve a mission. God knows everyone and their needs and He will provide a way for everyone to learn of Him. For those that received the answer to not serve a mission, don't be discouraged. There are people still waiting for you to reach out to them whether they be friends, family, or people that you are going to meet. I fully support your reasons for coming out publicly with this issue. I know this will help others know that it's actually okay not to serve a mission and it has nothing to do with their spiritually. Thanks again for your efforts and I wish you the best.
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Thanks so much for sharing your comments. Even though I have served a mission, loved it with all my heart, and would love others to know what it feels like to serve a full-time mission, I know like what you have said that it is not for everyone. I had so many friends asking me for advice on what made me decide to serve a mission because they were having insecurities as to why they didn't get the answer to serve. But like you said, it's still okay whether you serve a mission or not. It really is an issue that needs to be brought up because many women have struggled with this issue especially since the age change. But a couple things I realized from my friends that didn't serve a full-time mission were still missionaries in my eyes. My best friend helped fellowship so many people into her ward by following the promptings of the spirit and helped them come unto Christ as a member missionary. And frankly, these people that she helped, probably wouldn't have come unto Christ if she did serve a mission. God knows everyone and their needs and He will provide a way for everyone to learn of Him. For those that received the answer to not serve a mission, don't be discouraged. There are people still waiting for you to reach out to them whether they be friends, family, or people that you are going to meet. I fully support your reasons for coming out publicly with this issue. I know this will help others know that it's actually okay not to serve a mission and it has nothing to do with their spiritually. Thanks again for your efforts and I wish you the best.
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The mere fact that this article has to be written makes me angry. I am the father of LDS children. I am not LDS myself. I HATE LDS culture. The judging and the shaming that goes on is unbelievable.Oh and for those that are wondering, if my kids decide to serve a mission, I will support them because I love them. It doesn't mean I have to agree with them.
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