Nobody panic, I’m not becoming the spokesperson for girls who aren’t serving missions. This may also apply to young men who aren’t serving! And maybe not every girl feels like this. But I’ve been in situations where I’ve seen girls struggle with the decision about a mission for reasons that they shouldn’t have to worry about. I’m not insecure in my decision, nor am I angry or offended. I’ve just seen so many girls, myself included, become discouraged because of these issues. Some say they don’t see the judgment happening, or that I shouldn’t have to address it. But it’s out there, and I feel like it needs to be addressed, if only so people can understand what it feels like. Also, I know that not everyone assumes things about girls going on missions, some people are very open and happy with anyone’s decision. This is just my rambling to those who I have come in contact with who don’t understand some of these things, and I want to clarify.
10 Things Girls Who Aren’t Serving Missions Want You To Know
1. We still love the Gospel. Yes, that’s right! Just because we aren’t dedicating a year and a half of our lives to solely preach the Gospel, doesn’t mean we aren’t dedicating every day of our lives to the Lord. We are looking for ways to help, serve, teach, and minister every single day. Even though we don’t wear a badge on our chest, we all have “badges painted on our heart” as Elder Nelson would say.
2. When you go on about how attractive sister missionaries are, how you’ll only marry an RM, and how much of a better mom a girl is who has served a mission, it can hurt our feelings. You probably don’t mean it to be offensive, but it is. We look at the path we’ve chosen as inferior in your eyes. We see our future children and wonder if you’re right about their mother and how less spiritual she’ll be. We wonder if we should go and serve solely because it will make us more attractive to you. We think our personal scripture study, the fulfilling of our callings, our desire to serve others, our teaching and helping those around us, isn’t enough. We’ll still be great wives and mothers, promise!
3. We appreciate it when you recognize those of us who haven’t served missions in your lessons/talks. We love missionary work. Honestly we do. What we don’t love, is feeling that we missed out on the only right option by choosing not to serve. The Church’s focus IS missionary work, but that doesn’t necessarily mean a full-time mission. We love hearing about how to serve as a member and how to be an example to those around you no matter where you live. We’re not crazy about lessons detailing how every, single person should serve a mission, it’s always the best option, you’ll never be close to the spirit like you will be on a mission, asking people if they have a mission story they’d like to share, or saying “If you’ve served a mission, you understand this…” This can also offend guys who were worthy to serve, and weren’t able to.
4. We’ve prayed about our decision. I was a little taken back when a member of my ward asked me if I’d prayed about my decision to not serve. That’s a very personal, and very frustrating thing to be asked. So let me just put all your minds at ease, we’ve prayed about it. Or we’re praying about it. We’re going to be obedient to the answer we’ve been given, and hopefully that’s acceptable in your eyes.
5. We aren’t all looking to get married. Sometimes it seems there are two options; go on a mission or get married. Some of us aren’t doing either. Sure, we’re open to the idea of marriage, but we didn’t stay home from missions to get married right away. Some of us are focusing on school, careers, church service, and some of us were just plain told not to serve a mission and we’re making it our goal to be a tool in Heavenly Father’s hands, wherever he needs us. I’ll go where you want me to go, oh Lord…even if that means staying right here.
6. No two of us are the same. We have different goals, different reasons for not serving. Some sisters don’t have the desire to serve, and that’s ok! Some do have the desire, and couldn’t go for medical or other reasons, and that’s ok too! Some of us have the desire to serve, and through personal revelation realized that serving a mission was not part of our plan. And that’s ok too! Some of us are older, some of us are younger, it doesn’t matter! We’re all different, we all love the Gospel, and we’re all striving to be our best selves.
7. We appreciate when you’re proud of our accomplishments. Sometimes it’s hard to watch you get so excited when someone is submitting their mission papers, gets their call, or is heading out, and not be as excited for the good things we’re accomplishing. Sometimes, we feel like the things we’re doing aren’t important or wonderful. Help us see that going to school, getting that job, acing a test, or taking time out to help others, is exciting and important too.
8. We’re proud of our fellow sisters. We applaud them and their diligence, we appreciate them and we love them. We want to help the missionaries and show our support for them. We value their service as our sisters and we want them to accomplish great things. Our choosing not to go has no reflection on sister missionary service, or women’s place in the church for that matter.
9. We are busy. We probably aren’t busy in the same way full-time missionaries are, but we are busy! We’re going to school or working, serving in church callings, helping our families and friends, taking time for personal worship, reading, learning, growing, helping, teaching and a million other things!
10. We need your love! Sometimes it’s easy to feel down, beaten, and inferior. We appreciate every single person who lifts us up, makes us smile, and helps us realize we aren’t alone. And we love you right back!
Here Is The Low Down 
I LOVE THIS! Until just a couple months ago I wasn't planning on a mission and I can agree that 100% of these are true. For a girl, a mission is a really personal decision, not a commandment, and it's not for everyone!
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I LOVE THIS! Until just a couple months ago I wasn't planning on a mission and I can agree that 100% of these are true. For a girl, a mission is a really personal decision, not a commandment, and it's not for everyone!
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Thank you so much for writing this! When the age change was announced, I had been dating my husband for a year. We had been talking and praying about marriage. All of a sudden, everyone started pressuring me to go on a mission. Even when I asked for my temple recommend interview (for marriage), the ward clerk, who knew my boyfriend, asked if I was getting in the interview for a mission. This was a very hard decision for me because I had always dreamt of going on a mission, but I was dating the perfect guy. Every time I prayed, the answer was to marry him. All the outside pressure was not helping!Also, at the time, a lot of my guy friends started saying they weren't going to date for 18 months because they wanted to marry an RM for all the reasons that you stated above. Just like for you, I began questioning if I was going to be a good wife or mother. I wondered if my boyfriend would come to the same conclusion and break up with me (Thankfully that never crossed his mind!)Even after we were married, I still felt judged for not going on a mission. We were visiting family when my husband saw an old friend who was serving in the ward. He introduced us, and she asked me if I had served a mission. When I said no, she gave me a dirty look, and didn't even acknowledge me the rest of the conversation (Sadly, this has happened multiple times).That is why I am so grateful for you post! You clearly articulated what is happening and why it should stop! Thank you so much! I love it!!!!!
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Thank you so much for writing this! When the age change was announced, I had been dating my husband for a year. We had been talking and praying about marriage. All of a sudden, everyone started pressuring me to go on a mission. Even when I asked for my temple recommend interview (for marriage), the ward clerk, who knew my boyfriend, asked if I was getting in the interview for a mission. This was a very hard decision for me because I had always dreamt of going on a mission, but I was dating the perfect guy. Every time I prayed, the answer was to marry him. All the outside pressure was not helping!Also, at the time, a lot of my guy friends started saying they weren't going to date for 18 months because they wanted to marry an RM for all the reasons that you stated above. Just like for you, I began questioning if I was going to be a good wife or mother. I wondered if my boyfriend would come to the same conclusion and break up with me (Thankfully that never crossed his mind!)Even after we were married, I still felt judged for not going on a mission. We were visiting family when my husband saw an old friend who was serving in the ward. He introduced us, and she asked me if I had served a mission. When I said no, she gave me a dirty look, and didn't even acknowledge me the rest of the conversation (Sadly, this has happened multiple times).That is why I am so grateful for you post! You clearly articulated what is happening and why it should stop! Thank you so much! I love it!!!!!
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Thank you so much. This describes exactly how I have felt the past year, and it is a comfort to me to know that I am not alone. Would it be alright with you if I shared this? I think you got it spot on and I would love to show others your thoughts.
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Oh my goodness Thank You! I prayed after preparing solidly for a year and was told in the most loving way from the Lord no. I was devastated at first, but I knew that the Lord knew best. Not going led me down the road of helping to save souls in three different and amazing ways. Yet when people ask if I served I technically have to say no, yet I feel that I have touched so many lives as a tool in the Lord's hand, but as soon as I utter the word \”no\”, it is as though all of that doesn't matter to the one who asked the question and suddenly I am in that category. So thank you, thank you, I love your post!!
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I am just disgusted to know that anyone is passing judgement on girls choosing not to serve missions. Serving a mission is not necessary for salvation, for anyone. I've known spiritual giants of both genders who didn't serve, and I've known people who did serve that later became utterly and grossly apostate.
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I am just disgusted to know that anyone is passing judgement on girls choosing not to serve missions. Serving a mission is not necessary for salvation, for anyone. I've known spiritual giants of both genders who didn't serve, and I've known people who did serve that later became utterly and grossly apostate.
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Thank you for your thoughts! It can be a hard experience, but it's nice to know we aren't alone!
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Thank you for your thoughts! It can be a hard experience, but it's nice to know we aren't alone!
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Thank you! Of course, feel free to share!
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Thank you! Of course, feel free to share!
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Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you for sharing!
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Sometimes it's easy to feel angry, but I have to keep remind myself that people aren't perfect, but the Gospel is! Thank you so much for sharing!
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Sometimes it's easy to feel angry, but I have to keep remind myself that people aren't perfect, but the Gospel is! Thank you so much for sharing!
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This is so great! Thank you for sharing this! I've had so many friends go on missions and sometimes it's hard to feel like I don't measure up to them, even though I know that's not what I'm supposed to be doing right now!
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This is so great! Thank you for sharing this! I've had so many friends go on missions and sometimes it's hard to feel like I don't measure up to them, even though I know that's not what I'm supposed to be doing right now!
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I love this post! I just got finished with chemotherapy th 4 years ago and it is been a difficult time for me. It was also a difficult decision but I've decided not to go on a mission either. I feel that this has been my mission already, and even if I wanted to go as a full-time Church Missionary, I couldn't go for another year. This post makes me feel so much more confident in my decision Thank you!
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I love this post! I just got finished with chemotherapy th 4 years ago and it is been a difficult time for me. It was also a difficult decision but I've decided not to go on a mission either. I feel that this has been my mission already, and even if I wanted to go as a full-time Church Missionary, I couldn't go for another year. This post makes me feel so much more confident in my decision Thank you!
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I think we could reverse this entire thing and apply it to the other gender as well — I've often cringed when I've heard girls talk about how they'll only marry an RM….when I know there's probably a couple guys standing within earshot who didn't serve a mission, for whatever reason. Goes both ways! I agree with what Gregory said above about how a mission isn't always a clear indicator of commitment to being LDS — plenty of ppl serve and leave the church later, while plenty who don't serve stick with it for life. Thanks for writing this 🙂
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I think we could reverse this entire thing and apply it to the other gender as well — I've often cringed when I've heard girls talk about how they'll only marry an RM….when I know there's probably a couple guys standing within earshot who didn't serve a mission, for whatever reason. Goes both ways! I agree with what Gregory said above about how a mission isn't always a clear indicator of commitment to being LDS — plenty of ppl serve and leave the church later, while plenty who don't serve stick with it for life. Thanks for writing this 🙂
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Applause! Thanks for bringing up that this applies to men as well — I was thinking the same thing!
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Applause! Thanks for bringing up that this applies to men as well — I was thinking the same thing!
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Thank you so much for this post! It's so nice to know others sisters have felt the same way I have felt and that I'm not alone! Deciding to not serve a mission can be be difficult and I don't think many understand that. You couldn't have worded it any better and it helped me so much! Thank you!!!
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Thank you so much for this post! It's so nice to know others sisters have felt the same way I have felt and that I'm not alone! Deciding to not serve a mission can be be difficult and I don't think many understand that. You couldn't have worded it any better and it helped me so much! Thank you!!!
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I found #2 interesting. Girls have been saying the same thing to boys for years. Perhaps now that the shoe is on the other foot, we can stop being so harshly judgmental about one another. It is certainly no less hurtful to a worthy young man (who may not have served for any number of reasons just like young women) to be dismissed because he hasn't served a full-time mission than it is to a young woman. Serving a mission is a personal decision and we should be willing to support our young women–and young men–and respect whatever decision they make.
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It's not a commandment for young men either. Many seem to forget this.
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Thank you Kira! Never feel like you don't measure up!
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Thank you Kira! Never feel like you don't measure up!
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Glad you have such a good attitude about your experience, thank you for sharing!
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Glad you have such a good attitude about your experience, thank you for sharing!
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Thanks for your thoughts!
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Thanks for your thoughts!
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Thank you for your thoughts!
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Thank you for your thoughts!
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I feel like putting \”RM\” on those lists of qualities you want in a future husband you make in YW is a given. I was guilty of it too. When I was 17 or 18 there were some situations in my ward that made me realize how unnecessary this is because not all people who return are great and not all who don't go are unworthy. Really, the qualities that need to be emphasized are \”temple-worthy\” or \”worthy priesthood holder.\” Everyone has a history; everyone has a future, and the two can be drastically different.
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Kelly I totally agree! While it's important to know why a person might not have served a mission, that isn't the only important thing!
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Kelly I totally agree! While it's important to know why a person might not have served a mission, that isn't the only important thing!
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I totally agree that we should work on being less judgmental! Thanks for your thoughts!
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I totally agree that we should work on being less judgmental! Thanks for your thoughts!
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The church does say that \”every worthy and able young man should serve a mission.\” It is a part of their priesthood duty. That being said, we need to work on being less judgmental to everyone and help people feel welcome into the church regardless of their circumstances!
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The church does say that \”every worthy and able young man should serve a mission.\” It is a part of their priesthood duty. That being said, we need to work on being less judgmental to everyone and help people feel welcome into the church regardless of their circumstances!
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I can't tell you how thankful I am for this post!!!When it was first announced that women could serve a mission at 19, I was more than excited. Even though I was only 17 I knew that was what I wanted to do and started to prepare for my mission. I even got my temple cloths and garments. My friends and family were very excited that I chose to serve. I would be the first woman in my family to serve a mission and for the first time I felt that everyone was proud of me. Not once did I really pray for an answer, I just assumed that it was what I need to do. It wasn't until a year later when I really prayed for an answer, and I received nothing. I didn't get a yes or a no. I started to become frustrated and confused. I continued to pray and fast, hoping my yes would come while I continued to prepare for my mission. As the weeks went on I started doubting myself and my choice. I was only a couple months away from when I could put in my papers, But it seemed like nothing was going right. My branch president said I needed to wait a little longer before I could start them, but my parents were saying he had no right to do that. I didn't know what to do. I started looking at colleges and what classes I should take just to get my mind off of all the chaos. For some reason the thought of college excited me, and everything was going smoothly. Even though I didn't have any scholarships or a way to pay for my classes, the money I needed came, sometimes in the strangest ways. I finally prayed and asked if going to college was what I needed to do. I didn't get a definite yes, but more of a comfort and peace. I knew that was my answer. Telling everyone that I wasn't going on a mission but going to college was the hardest thing. People would almost interrogate me when I told them. My family was shocked and gave me strange looks. I knew that they wanted me to smile and say just kidding. I started to become embarrassed for my choice. Many guys my age looked at me like I was making a horrible decision, and some stopped hang out with me. Again I started doubting, but I would always find comfort when I thought about college and a career. I will be 19 in a little over month and college will be starting in a week. Even though I still get those looks and scoffs, and people say I'm just desperate to get a man, I know I made the right choice. I have many beautiful friends that are going or are on their missions and some days I feel sad or depressed that I'm not joining them, but way to go girls! They are amazing and I am happy for them. One if my friends returned from his mission a few weeks ago and we will be going to college together. That is my adventure!Thank you so much for helping me see that my decision wasn't bad. While reading this I kept agreeing with everything and it has helped me understand The Lord a little bit more. For some reason I don't know college is where The Lord wanted me to go and I am willing to go where he wants me to go.
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I can't tell you how thankful I am for this post!!!When it was first announced that women could serve a mission at 19, I was more than excited. Even though I was only 17 I knew that was what I wanted to do and started to prepare for my mission. I even got my temple cloths and garments. My friends and family were very excited that I chose to serve. I would be the first woman in my family to serve a mission and for the first time I felt that everyone was proud of me. Not once did I really pray for an answer, I just assumed that it was what I need to do. It wasn't until a year later when I really prayed for an answer, and I received nothing. I didn't get a yes or a no. I started to become frustrated and confused. I continued to pray and fast, hoping my yes would come while I continued to prepare for my mission. As the weeks went on I started doubting myself and my choice. I was only a couple months away from when I could put in my papers, But it seemed like nothing was going right. My branch president said I needed to wait a little longer before I could start them, but my parents were saying he had no right to do that. I didn't know what to do. I started looking at colleges and what classes I should take just to get my mind off of all the chaos. For some reason the thought of college excited me, and everything was going smoothly. Even though I didn't have any scholarships or a way to pay for my classes, the money I needed came, sometimes in the strangest ways. I finally prayed and asked if going to college was what I needed to do. I didn't get a definite yes, but more of a comfort and peace. I knew that was my answer. Telling everyone that I wasn't going on a mission but going to college was the hardest thing. People would almost interrogate me when I told them. My family was shocked and gave me strange looks. I knew that they wanted me to smile and say just kidding. I started to become embarrassed for my choice. Many guys my age looked at me like I was making a horrible decision, and some stopped hang out with me. Again I started doubting, but I would always find comfort when I thought about college and a career. I will be 19 in a little over month and college will be starting in a week. Even though I still get those looks and scoffs, and people say I'm just desperate to get a man, I know I made the right choice. I have many beautiful friends that are going or are on their missions and some days I feel sad or depressed that I'm not joining them, but way to go girls! They are amazing and I am happy for them. One if my friends returned from his mission a few weeks ago and we will be going to college together. That is my adventure!Thank you so much for helping me see that my decision wasn't bad. While reading this I kept agreeing with everything and it has helped me understand The Lord a little bit more. For some reason I don't know college is where The Lord wanted me to go and I am willing to go where he wants me to go.
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Amen. Just…. amen. *Shares on Facebook*
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Amen. Just…. amen. *Shares on Facebook*
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Thank you for sharing this story! You're not alone!
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Thank you for sharing this story! You're not alone!
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Haha thank you! You are too sweet!
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