In all the crazy of summer I forgot to post that my grandpa David came to visit! It was wonderful to see him, he came from Denver to visit for Saturday and Sunday and it was such a blast to spend time with him. He got to meet Candace and Thomas, Liv’s husband Matt, and we spent a great weekend hanging out and laughing together. My dad made Lebanese food like tabouli and hummus and we ordered Chinese to celebrate Matt’s birthday! It was a wonderful weekend to be with family and a great addition to our summer.

*Be warned. These are scattered thoughts. Take this for what it’s worth, for how I meant it.

Let’s rewind back to last summer.

As the leaves started to turn in August, I spent Sunday nights sobbing about having to go back to work and do another week.

I spent hours after I got home from work taking tests called “Find Your Passion” and “What Is Your Dream Career?” and “What Should Your Hobby Be?”

I was so lost. A Huffington Post article called “On Being 23” left me in absolute pieces because I read it just a few weeks after my 23rd birthday, and nothing had ever resonated with me so much.

I couldn’t explain it to my friends. I couldn’t explain it to Randy. I couldn’t explain it to myself.

I didn’t feel like me. I was a stranger to myself. I was unmotivated, which if you know me, is something I’ve never dealt with. I felt bored, uneasy, unsure. I consider myself a fairly confident person, and I wasn’t. I am normally so organized, wanting to do a million things and have a million projects. And I couldn’t make myself do anything.

I wondered if I should completely switch my career, go back to school, if we should move, and a million other things.

I’ve tried to write this up a million times and while I was in the depths of feeling so unlike myself, I could barely type a sentence.

Even now, I can’t type this without sobbing.

I post this now, not because I want pity, sympathy, or to be “in-fashion” as a young adult who has gone through hard things.

I post it now to reflect on, to remember this crunchy and complicated part of my life. So that one day my children can read about it. And because writing about it is the best thing I know how to do.

**Hi, it’s six weeks after I wrote that first part of this post. It’s so terribly hard for me to write about this, and I’m unsure why. Normally words like this just flow out of me and fit comfortably on a page. But for some reason this story and this piece of crunchy and complicated take all of my strength to type.

Here’s the reality. Life is insanely hard sometimes, for no reason at all. I was doing everything right. I had everything I could have ever wanted. I had a husband who adored me and was always so wonderful to me, family who would drop anything to help me and made me laugh, I was excelling in career, I was attending church and fulfilling my callings, and I was still unhappy. More than unhappy, I was miserable.

I think sometimes we just have to go through hard things. And I think that time in my life was preparing me for something else. Because I was so sad when everything should have been great and wonderful. Everything was easy and rosy, just something was off with me. I had to figure out how to power through, how to find happiness. So when things aren’t always as easy or as rosy as they technically were during that time, I know that I can handle it.

I read the Magnolia story toward the end of this weird funk, and it spoke volumes to me. Joanna talks about Thriving not just Surviving. That’s become sort of a thing for me now. I had to figure out how to thrive, not just survive my everyday.

I made some career changes, I spent more time finding and doing things that I like, I checked out of social media so I couldn’t compare myself to other people, and I leaned on Randy to help me figure it out.

And I prayed harder than I ever have. And no, it wasn’t instantly that things got better or that I was myself again, but I was sure that I wasn’t in this alone.

Sometimes life is just hard. As Amy Poehler puts it “Life is crunchy and complicated, and all the more delicious. “

Today, I’m happy. I’m excited to go to work, I’m excited to spend time with friends and family.

I’m looking for reasons why I needed to go through a hard thing like that, and I’ve found hints here and there that show me why.

I guess the whole point in this, is that a few things helped me figure it out. Chocolate ice cream, reading books and articles that made me feel like I wasn’t crazy, time with family, having a pity party some nights.

But the two most important things were Randy, and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This hard point in my life made me absolutely certain of Jesus Christ, of His reality and of His knowledge of me personally. I kept going to church, I kept reading, I kept praying. And He was there.

He’s the reason we can get through anything.

I’m getting so bad at updating every weekend!

Randy finished his finals and has a couple weeks off before fall semester starts, he did GREAT in his classes and I am so insanely proud!

I’m loving my new job and am chugging through audio books during my commute! I just finished Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance, and it was AMAZING. Highly recommend.

On Friday, Randy and I went to dinner with some of our really good friends to celebrate the boys being done with school! They’ve had several classes together so it’s always fun to see them.

Friday night I also made some treats for Sam’s farewell on Sunday!

Saturday we headed to Kaysville/Farmington for family time, baking time, and so much niece and nephew time! We just love getting to spend time with those cuties.

Sunday was Sam’s farewell. He did such an amazing job and it was so fun to spend the day with family. Sam leaves in just a few days and Randy and I are going to miss him so much! Sam is basically the little brother I never wanted 😉 But in all seriousness we are going to miss him like crazy! He’s going to do amazing things in Tokyo and we’re so excited to see!

Happy Thursday all!

Randy and I had an absolutely INSANE last weekend. Friday morning we woke up to our fire sprinkler dripping, with water all over our apartment. I really can’t get into, but let’s just say it was a HUGE mess and we’re still trying to get it all cleaned up and figured out.

That was just a day after Randy’s car got hit in the parking lot at school. Someone CRUNCHED the hood and front of the car, and then drove away. It seriously made me lose a little bit of faith in humanity that someone could wreck our car that much, and then drive away. Leave a note people!

To cap it all off, after I’d tried to clean up our apartment a little bit on Friday, I went in for my last day of work at DrivingSales. It’s hard to leave familiar things, but it was time for me to take another step in my career. My 10 months at DrivingSales were challenging and taught me a lot about myself. I will miss so many of the people I had the chance to work with there!

I started on Tuesday at a large software company called Micro Focus, and so far I’m having the time of my life here! I’m doing a lot of writing and web integration, and so far it’s been a dream.

Friday night we headed right to Kaysville after a long day of me finishing up at DrivingSales, and us figuring out our apartment situation.

Luckily for us, we had a really fun Saturday planned! We went with my sister-in-law and her family to Willard Bay to go jet-skiing all day. It was a perfect way to take our mind off of all the drama! Randy was stellar at knee-boarding and got up on the wakeboard. I got up on the knee-board and we both had a blast playing with our niece and nephew, and driving the wave-runners around.

Saturday night we went to a wedding of one of our good high school friends, and had a blast seeing old friends.

Our Sunday was quiet as we headed back to Kaysville for more family time, and gearing up for Randy’s finals week, and my first week at a new job!

We’ve had some hard things try and knock us down, but I’m so grateful for Randy who shows me how to see the good in everything, and who keeps me laughing. I don’t know what I would do without him, or my family, who always help me relax and know that everything will be OK!

We’ve been having a crazy time around here and I’m barely keeping up!

Friday of last week Randy and I spent a little bit of time with Alexon, then went to get some Mexican food at Su Casa. It was pretty good, not our very favorite, but not too shabby!

We went to Kaysville to spend the weekend with family, which was a blast! We played games on Friday night, then spent the day Saturday shopping, hanging out with our niece and nephew, and seeing Randy’s parents after they got back from their Japan trip (jealousss)

Randy is seriously WHOOPED by our niece and nephew, and they are pretty obsessed with him. It’s the cutest thing to see!

Saturday we went to Mikado and had teppanyaki which was really tasty!

Sunday was the blessing day! We had some family come in and my brother gave Thomas a really wonderful blessing. We had tons of brunch food and SO many people at our house to see the baby and also celebrate my brother graduating law school! He’s actually off sitting for the California bar today – so good luck to him! That night we went and visited the grave of one of our pioneer ancestors Thomas Grover, and spent some time thinking about our pioneer family.

We enjoyed being with family all day on Sunday, and decided to stay in Kaysville for Pioneer Day as well! We watched the parade, played with the babies, and visited with my family. It was a much needed relaxing day! We said goodbye to one of my cousins who is headed to Canada on his mission (Good luck TJ!) and then went and did some grocery shopping and clothes shopping. All in all, it was an amazing weekend.

My sister just got back from the pioneer trek for church right before Pioneer Day, which was fitting. The talks in church that day were all about the trek, and I couldn’t help but tear up thinking about my experiences, and my gratitude for the pioneers. We really are incredibly lucky. I think all the time about what I would have done if I had learned about the gospel back then. Would I have left my family, home, and friends? Would I have been strong enough to endure the persecution, to walk across the plains, to have that much faith? I look up to them and the legacy of faith they left for me in so many ways. They trusted more than I have ever had to. And they were so blessed, and so am I.

Our weekend was busy and crazy as always!

Friday, Randy went to spend time with his brothers since his parents are out of town in Japan (I’m SO jealous!)

We had dinner with my family and played with our darling niece, who absolutely adores Randy. It’s the sweetest.

Saturday we woke up early to do a photo shoot with one of my clients and I’m so happy with how they turned out!

We then went to the SLC Farmer’s Market and had a blast with Courtney and Tommy. We just love spending time with them, eating good food and enjoying!

After lunch, we headed back to Randy’s parent’s house to see his brothers. Then it was to my house for pizza, and the Mormon Tabernacle Pioneer Day Concert!

The concert was absolutely amazing, Alex Boye did an amazing job and had me in tears! Music is so important and it was so fun to spend time with my family, listening to such beautiful stuff.

After the concert we ran to Cheesecake Factory for some treats, and then it was home. Randy had been feeling sick so our Sunday consisted of me waking up early to make some cupcakes for my Sunday School class, and then us having a very lazy Sunday trying to get Randy to feel better.

Our life has me so content right now. And I’m so excited about the adventures we have ahead!

Last weekend found Randy and I running around, busy busy busy, as always!

We spent Friday visiting some neighbors who just had a baby, making treats, and watching a movie.
Saturday we went to Kaysville to hang out with our darling niece and nephew, and spend time with Randy’s family!

Saturday night we got to meet up with our Musical Productions friends at the park and we had a BLAST! We loved visiting and catching up.

Sunday we taught class and enjoyed church, then went back to Farmington to visit Randy’s parents before they headed off to Japan! I’m SUPER jealous that they get to go, and I’m wishing we could go back with them!

We’re having an amazing summer, living the dream and just happy as clams!

We had an amazing 4th of July, celebrating with family! We woke up and ate some breakfast, laughing and hanging out with family, and then were off to the parade! We went with Candace and Thomas, our niece and nephew, and they had an absolute BLAST. Well, Thomas was asleep nearly the whole time, but Candace was just enchanted by all the floats and people! She was so quiet and just had really wide eyes, taking it all in! She loved eating an Otter Pop that got thrown her way, and was DOWNING kettle corn as fast as she could, in between giving us all a piece or two. We saw my sister in the parade with her lacrosse team, and it was fun!

Once the parade was over we went back to my parents house for some delicious food! We had corn on the cob and steak and bread, and of course, tabouli! Gotta add some international flair to American classic, that’s what makes America awesome!

After dinner we headed over to Randy’s parents house for some Mario Kart and time with our other niece, Charlotte! We had a blast talking and laughing for a few hours. Then it was back to my parents house to see Candace swim in the kiddie pool! She was cracking us all up, splashing and pouring water from one bottle to another, it was the best.

That night we headed up to the Davis High Fireworks, which was awesome. I absolutely love spending the 4th in my hometown, I personally think it’s the best place in the world. We played card games and ate popcorn and peanut butter M&M’s and then our friends joined my family to watch the show! After the show ended we hustled to our car to get home.

It really was one of the best 4th of July’s ever!

Six years ago on the 4th, Randy and I went on a date to the fireworks. It was just a month later that we would start dating. In some ways, it was the beginning of a lot of things for us. I thought Randy would hold my hand that night. He didn’t, but there was something there on that date that made me realize how crazy I was about him. For a few weeks before that, and then for the rest of the summer, we spent a ton of time together. Running to Wendy’s before he went to work and after I got off, him visiting me at Cherry Hill, with friends at first, and then more and more often he would come alone. There’s a lot of little things about the 4th of July that make me so happy, and those memories are a few reasons why!

Another thing I love about the 4th is spending time in my hometown. Some people really hate the place they grew up in, and while Kaysville/Farmington weren’t perfect, the older I get, the more I absolutely love it there. I have a million memories with my family and with Randy, the people are wonderful, and there’s just something amazing about that small little town that’s getting bigger every year. I absolutely adore it!

The last thing I love about the 4th, is that tug I feel at my heart about the country where I get to live. I’ve spent a bit of time traveling outside the US and I loved my time traveling, but I will never, ever forget the feeling of walking back through customs to get my passport checked, and having the officer look at me and say “Welcome to the United States of America, miss. Welcome home.” It brought me to tears.

I feel like right now it’s really cool to point out all the horrible things about where we live, and yes, America isn’t perfect. Because the people here aren’t perfect. And that’s OK. It’s great to always want to improve. But I love the chance I get to think about this country and all the absolutely wonderful things about it. I am so grateful for all the people who give their time, and their lives, to defend my freedom. I am so grateful for men and women hundreds of years ago who lived their lives in the pursuit of something amazing. I am so thankful that I get to go to school, that nobody tells me who I have to marry, and that I have people who spend their careers working to uphold laws and keep me and my family safe. We are so blessed. So, so, so blessed. And we need to remember that!

Hopefully you all had a happy and safe 4th of July! God bless America!

Last weekend was a BLAST full of lots of awesome, fun things.

First, puppies showed up at my office! Cutest little golden-doodle puppies and I was in LOVE with them! It was a great way to kick off the weekend.

Friday night we went to Get Out Games with our friends and had a great time! We did the “Zombie On A Chain” game where an actor dressed as a zombie is chasing you around the whole time while you’re trying to figure out the clues. It was CRAZY fun and we were exhausted by the end!

Saturday we spent time with our families before heading out to the Stadium of Fire! Our parents were so nice and bought us tickets for Easter (I mean, the Easter Bunny brought them) and we had SO much fun! We ate kettle corn, listened to Hunter Hayes (who was awesome!) laughed with Brian Regan, and then JAMMED to Little Big Town! The fireworks show at the end was amazing, really long, but amazing!

Sunday we went and watched our darling niece Charlotte get blessed, it was wonderful to be with family and celebrate her.

Monday (not the weekend but still) we went to work and school, and then started off the Fourth of July by going to a Bees baseball game with our good friends Corinne and Kade! We were in the outfield and chatted, ate some treats, and watched the Bees win! We then saw their incredible fireworks show, which was awesome.

We are having an amazing summer, loving every second, even though it’s so hot we’ve had to move our mattress into the living room so we can get some air from our window AC. But still, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I listened to The Magnolia Story for the first time a few months ago, and decided I needed a second listen before I could give it the attention it deserved in a blog post.

This book, to put it simply, changed my life. It’s changed the way I think about things, the way I hope for things, and the way I look at my future.

I fell in love with the show Fixer Upper a few months before the book came out (thank you Netflix) and was utterly in love with Chip and Joanna, their family, and their outlook on life. After finishing some other books, and finding myself with an Audible credit, I decided to listen to The Magnolia Story.

In this book, Chip and Joanna tell the story of their lives, pieces of their childhood and family stories, how they met and fell in love, and their journey to becoming two insanely popular reality TV personalities.

Now, people always say “You have to be looking for fame and fortune to agree to going on a TV show. Those people on reality TV aren’t real, they’re not genuine, and they’re probably not that nice.” But I have to believe that Chip and Joanna are absolutely everything they say they are. Real people who talk about fights they got in, their financial hardships, silly mistakes they made, who happened to end up on TV even though they have never had a TV in their home (and still don’t!)

They represent what I can only hope to be like one day, genuine people in the middle of whatever life has handed them, praising God while they enjoy their lives, and work hard with whatever opportunities they are handed.

I first listened to this book when Randy and I were making some decisions, when I’d been feeling lost in my purpose and path, and when I wasn’t, as Joanna talks about, “thriving” but simply “surviving.”

There were so many passages of the book that made me weep. It was like there were words written right for my heart and situation, they were everything I needed to hear and recognize and believe.

None of it was new philosophy or things that I hadn’t ever heard before, but the way the story unfolded and the conviction behind the words made all the difference. The way they were written, the timing with which I listened to each chapter, all of it lead to me feeling like I could be a different, better person thanks to a book.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“Don’t quit, and don’t give up. The reward is just around the corner. And in times of doubt or times of joy, listen for that still, small voice. Know that God has been there from the beginning—and he will be there until . . . The End.” 

“It was such a blessing to find myself thriving in the middle of the pain. Unless you find a way to do that, there’s always going to be this fake illusion that once you get there–wherever “there” is for you–you’ll be happy. But that’s just not life. If you can’t find happiness in the ugliness, you’re not going to find it in beauty, either.” 

“I realized that my determination to make things perfect meant I was chasing an empty obsession all day long. Nothing was ever going to be perfect the way I had envisioned it in the past. Did I want to keep spending my energy on that effort, or did I want to step out of that obsession and to enjoy my kids, maybe allowing myself to get messy right along with them in the process? I chose the latter – and that made all the difference.” 

“It’s up to us to choose contentment and thankfulness now—and to stop imagining that we have to have everything perfect before we’ll be happy.” 

“Have you ever looked at the bud of a magnolia flower? It’s a tight little pod that stays closed up for a long time on the end of its branch until one day, out of nowhere, it finally bursts open into this gigantic, gorgeous, fragrant flower that’s ten times bigger than the bud itself. It’s impossible to imagine that such a big beautiful thing could pop out of that tiny little bud. But it does.” 

“I always said, “When things come against us we can either turn on each other, or we can come together and turn on it.”

“I finally believed it was actually a beautiful thing to be unique and to be different.” 

“…sometimes second chances lead to great things.
All of my doubts, all of the things I thought I wanted out of a relationship, and many of the things I thought I wanted out of life itself turned out to be just plain wrong. Instead? That voice from our first date turned out to be the thing that was absolutely right.” 

“I came to think of God as more of a gracious friend who was accompanying me on this journey, a friend who wanted to carry my burdens and speak into my life and shape me into who I really was and who I would become.” 

“I mean, that’s life. Life is never predictable. Life is never really manageable. If your mind-set is always, “I’m just surviving”, it seems to me that would wind up being the mind-set for the rest of your life. You’d just get stuck in it.” 

“It is no easy thing to trust in God, to walk away from a career, to give it all up not knowing if you can ever get it back or even come close. But I did it. I heeded his voice, and somehow I found peace about it.” 

“Whether you are in an eight-hundred-square-foot home or living in a dream house on a lake, contentment is found on the way.” 

“I felt good about having made the decision to walk away and lock that door. It’s funny, though, looking back on it now, because one very simple concept in life never occurred to me as I was walking away:
Even locked doors can be unlocked in time.
I simply never could have imagined just how much God had in store for us, and I certainly couldn’t have dreamed just how many keys to other doors God had already placed in our hands.” 

“life is found in the glass of spilled milk and in the long, narrow hallway filled with socks and soccer balls.” 

“One thing I learned there on that beautiful front porch was if I wanted to be successful, if I wanted to do important work one day, I would have to increase my capacity. I had to learn to manage disappointment. I needed to learn how to make the most out of those “opportunities” Chip seemed to keep finding.” 

“It’s difficult to put into words, but there was something about that experience that helped me find myself. I would go home every night and write about my experiences—what I’d seen, what I’d done, and sometimes just about whatever I was thinking or feeling. And as I did that, something shifted in me. I started owning who I am, realizing that I was unique and that God had a unique purpose for me. I’d spent my whole life worrying about what people thought about me or whether I was good enough or thinking about what I should be doing instead of really digging down to find out what I wanted to do.” 


I could go on forever and ever about these quotes and pull a million more. Basically what it came down to was that reading this book opened my perspective about what happiness can mean, what I’m doing day in and day out, and about trust. This entire past year has been a giant lesson on faith and trust for me, and the fact that this book helped me grasp that concept even more is just another example of how aware Heavenly Father is of us, what speaks to us, and what we need.

So here’s to spending less time watching TV (except for new episodes of Fixer Upper, of course) and spending more time in my journal, more time in nature, more time discovering what I’m passionate about and what makes me thrive. More time on the simple things, more time with Randy, and more time with God.

Here’s to opening up that tight little magnolia bud, and blooming.