“I’d rather argue with you than kiss anybody else.”

We fight with the people we love. The people we care about. If we weren’t passionate about it, we would let it go and not give it a second thought. So don’t forget that the angry words you say or that someone says to you, are really out of love. I know I say things I don’t mean all the time, and that the things I say are to protect, myself or someone else. Don’t ever forget that the people you love are the ones worth fighting for.

So stop holding grudges, stop being mad. Forgive. Forget. There are too many things to love.

I finally asked you to dance
On the last slow song
And beneath the moon that was really a disco ball
I can still feel my head on your shoulder
Hoping that song would never be over

I haven’t seen you in ages
Sometimes I find myself
Wondering where you are
For me you’ll always be 18
And beautiful and dancing away with my heart

I brushed your curls back so I could see your eyes
And the way you moved me was like you were in my mind
I can still feel you lean into kiss me
I can’t help but wonder if you ever miss me

I haven’t seen you in ages
Sometimes I find myself
Wondering where you are
For me you’ll always be 18
And beautiful and dancing away with my heart

Oh you headed out to college
At the end of that summer when we lost touch
I guess I didn’t realize even at that moment
We lost so much.

I haven’t seen you in ages
Sometimes I find myself
Wondering where you are
For me you’ll always be 18
And beautiful and dancing away with my heart
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Away with My Heart

Homecoming. It was perfect. There isn’t another word to describe it. The week leading up to Homecoming was kind of shakey, but Thursday started the flip to the great weekend that it was. The parade was awesome and some hot chocolate after was great 🙂 Then a crazy fun football game…getting some…hot chocolate…and relay races at Classic…great night:) The day of Homecoming was LONG because I was so ready to go!!! Randy came, looking awesome and bringing some GOREGOUS flowers. Then we went and took pictures, got mocked for “engagement’s” or something…then off to dinner where some…unexpected people were. Had tons of fun talking to the waitress and singing happy birthday….off to dancing the night away with all of my really good friends, bringing back the “corner,” then back to sweats and falling asleep while watching How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, and the car ride home, then falling asleep with music still swirling in my head. It was perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. I really think we are better together:)

So I am SO SO SO SO excited for Homecoming!!!! It’s going to be fabulous 🙂 We have a huge group that includes my two best friends, I’m going with my other best friend 🙂 And it’s going to be perfect:) I have the perfect dress, have no idea how I’m doing my hair though. Tonight we’re going to classic skating 🙂 And it’s going to be spectacular 🙂 AHH I am so excited 🙂

College day was yesterday. I’m so NOT ready to go to college, let alone think about it. I’ve basically had my college choice figured out since I was two years old. My career choice, since ninth grade. But going to all those colleges really made me wonder if I’m making the right decision. What do I really know anyway? Am I really at a point where I can make such a huge decision?

It’s probably fine.

Anyway…this year has made me realize who’s going to be there for me and, frankly, who isn’t. People are all fake, whether they want to admit it or not, to some level, they’re fake. But the people who take off layers of fakeness for you are the people you want to be around. And I’ve found people who I’m not afraid to be more myself around. And that, is worth everything.

“The hardest thing isn’t being lied to, it’s knowing you weren’t worth the truth.”

I’m too emotional, too passionate, too intense. And I’m not going to apologize for that. I am who I am. I shouldn’t probably care about all of this as much as I do. But I do care. I thought you told me everything. But you don’t. I thought you were someone I could count on when everything else was crashing down. But I found out differently the other night. And it shouldn’t kill me, but it does. And the saddest part is, I don’t think you even care. Because it’s just another thing you have to deal with. So I’m sorry for being mad, but then again, I’m not.

It’s been a while! Hmmm what to say? What to say? Things are pretty good! Stressful as always, but that’s nothing new. Drama with the Halloween dance, but that’s nothing new! I think it’s all figured out. I’m looking forward to General Conference! I’ve always gotten the challenge to go in with one specific thing in mind, and I’ve usually gone in to Conference with a million things bounching in my brain. This time I think I’m going to narrow it down to one specific thing to really listen for. Anywho….that’s about it!

So things are crazy crazy busy! Studying for AP art history, doing things for English and DTV, working on productions and trying to keep everything else in place. It’s hard. I’m still feeling like I’m being replaced in basically every aspect of my life. In productions I’m not the dancer any more, in school I’m not the smartest, in DTV I’m not the go-to person, in ballet I’m not any better or any worse than anybody else, and I’m not in Nutcracker. My sister has the part I could have if I were. It’s hard watching other people live what I thought was my life. Oh well. I’ll get over it. Right?

So I found a cute list of things that someone needs to be prepared for if they’re going to be with me 🙂

-A million questions
-Uncontrollable laughter
-My family
-My appetite
-Musical outbursts
-My friends
-Sad/Happy tears
-Random dancing
-Deep talks
-My imagination
-My dreams
-Walks in the rain
-Random texts
-Useless arguments
-Acceptance of the real me

So I got a 31 on the ACT. Again. Again. Again. I needed a 33. And I didn’t get it. I’m not taking it again. I’ll just have to hope that it’s good enough to get me an ok scholarship. I’m disappointed yes, but because I expected more from myself. Not because anybody expected anything else from me.

This weekend was AMAZING. We performed at the Performing Arts concert. After singing Homeward Bound for the first time on-stage, we walked off as a class. For the first time. No competition, nothing else mattered. We were together and that was good enough. I was so relieved. I never thought we were going to get there. Then we had a crazy fun part at Becca’s after, with lots more singing and dancing and launching people off bean bag chairs. It was a perfect night. And then Saturday was full of funny blocking and being too loud at Wingers and more performing. Then a party where it wasn’t as fun. I realized why I love my friends and those other people were a small chapter in my life. They don’t deserve another chapter. There are some of them that will cross over to the rest of my story. And a lot more that won’t. So we ended up going to Cemetary Park and talking and talking and laughing and couple creeping. And being scared about the future. But it was great.

Then Sunday I got a calling and got set apart. And I’m terrified but so excited at the same time. I realized that there are some things I really have to work on but that it’s ok, that I am ready and that everything is going to be fine.

Long story short…
I’m not perfect. I’m never going to be. I might not turn out how you want. But you raised me well. I have a testiomony. I’m not supid all the time. I get good grades. I have talents and use them. I’m myself and proud of it. Isn’t that what you wanted in the first place?