Hmmmm … Hmmmm … Hmmmm … Hmmm …

When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not
And who I am

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
Still looking up.

I won’t give up on us (no I’m not giving up)
God knows I’m tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We’ve got a lot to learn (we’re alive, we are loved)
God knows we’re worth it (and we’re worth it)

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

So MLK day is coming up soon. And for English we get to read the Letter from Birmingham Jail. And we get to pick a quote to do a artsy craftsy poster on 🙂 SOO I found two quotes I like

–Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

–Seldom do I pause to answer criticism of my work and ideas.

These are both brilliant. He was a brilliant man, just sayin’. Lukewarm acceptance, wondering why people are being so fake and not telling you how they really feel, that is almost worse than knowing someone dislikes you. But I also love the idea that you don’t have to pause and accept or answer to anybody or their criticism.

ANYWHO that’s my little thought of the day. Any help in picking out of those two quotes would be appreciated.:)

So today was a little crazy, staying at the school for a while, then homework and chores at home. But when I was running around playing tag with a little girl while waiting to go onstage, I realized that life really is about the small things. I couldn’t help but laugh with her while we were going crazy. I was there with Randy which made it even more fun. It kind of scared me to think that within five years, I could have a little girl of my own. I’m pretty sure I’m not ready for that. But maybe I will be at some point, I guess I have to be, right? 😉 I love kids even though sometimes I dislike babysitting. I think I didn’t like babysitting back when I thought I was missing out on so much to be there instead. But I realized that I wasn’t missing anything, that I was gaining things. I wish I had more time to babysit the kids in my neighborhood. But soon, I’ll have my own and I’ll be begging for babysitters!! Until then, I need to find joy in the journey. Life is just a big old journey, and you win the game when you figure out how to be happy 🙂

So the title is a lame attempt at humor. I need to catch-up (ketchup) hahahaha….with everything that has been going on!!!
A. My brother came home!! He’s great, only slightly missionary-ish still, trying to figure out things with his girly-friend, off to BYU to attend school, is still my amazing wonderful funny brother!
B. Christmas was fabulous! I love the holidays!! The food, the family, the decorations, the giving and receiving, everything 🙂 And this holiday was amazing! It was sad to me to think that next year, I’ll be coming home for the holidays. I’m not sure how I feel about it. But that’s a while away right??
C. New Years!! New Year’s Eve was AWESOME!! I spent the night with friends and of course, Bandy 🙂 This last year was great and I think this new year will be even better 🙂

So here’s a few resolutions:

-Be more patient (I struggle with this)
-Laugh every day
-Go running
-Learn how to live on my very own
-Be a good friend
-Don’t forget my phone number
-Read the BOM daily
-Take more pictures
-BLOG often 🙂
-Eat everything I want and don’t get fat (haven’t figured out how to do that ;))
-Convince Bandy to stick around 😉
-Stop calling Bandy, Bandy, as it probably annoys him 🙂

I think that’s all pretty good. OH and one more thing….live the heck out of this last semester of high school!!!

The Christmas dance was AMAZING!!! It really was the most perfect night. I went with my best friend in the world, was in a group with all the rest of my best friends, danced the night away, laughed until I cried, had some amazing dinner and even more amazing slow dances in snow. And my corsage was beautiful and my date looked amazing. So it was great 🙂

Now my brother is coming home tomorrow!!!!!!! I’m pretty dang excited. It doesn’t really feel like two years sometimes, but then other times it seems like it’s been forever since I’ve had a nice long talk with my brother or watched a movie with him. My dear brother is sometimes a pain, but most of the time he’s a really awesome guy who just knows too much 😉 Anyway the honest truth is I miss him like CRAZY. We were pretty close before he left even though he knew way too much trivia….and I miss that. So basically I am very excited for him to come home 🙂

Oh, and then Christmas 🙂 I need to finish up some presents because I’m a slacker….anyway it doesn’t matter I’m just excited for everything 🙂

Family. Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. My extended family is slightly crazy. And by slightly crazy I mean extremely crazy. But it has made me realize something. My immediate family is pretty darn amazing. They care about me, provide for me, help me, and don’t have mental breakdowns that involve hanging up the phone and screaming swear words at each other. No family is perfect, but slowly I’m figuring out that my family is pretty close. Because they’re great. And we want to make each other laugh and want to help each other out. And in one week, my family is going to be completely together again for the first time in two years. So it doesn’t matter that the extended family is crazy. Because the rest of us, we’re pretty great.

So I had a bad weekend and then a good weekend. Friday I sat around and did absolutely nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. But that was ok. Because I have Netflix. Then on Saturday I spent the day with Randy doing a million things and it was great. And then we met up with Luke and Morgan to look at the lights. And we got lost a few times and I freaked out but all in all it was great. Some things weren’t so great though. I’m figuring out things that I kind of wish I didn’t have to figure out. That it’s easy to slip away because of what someone thinks you want. Or maybe they just don’t care. I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m saying. I’m happy-ish. And that’s good, right? There’s a song I listen to a lot at Christmas and it reminds me of a lot of people, sadly.

Please take down the misletoe
Cause I don’t wanna think about that right now
Cause everything I want is miles away
In a snow covered little town
My momma’s in the kitchen, worrying about me
Season’s greetings, hope you’re well
Well I’m doing alright
If you were wondering
Lately I can never tell

I know this shouldn’t be a lonely time
But there were Christmases when you were mine

I’ve been doing fine without you, really
Up until the nights got cold
And everybody’s here, except you, baby
Seems like everyone’s got someone to hold

But for me it’s just a lonely time
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine

Merry Christmas everybody
That’ll have to be something I just say this year
I’ll bet you got your mom another sweater
And were your cousins late again
When you were putting up the lights this year
Did you notice one less pair of hands

I know this shouldn’t be a lonely time
But there were Christmases when I didn’t wonder how you are tonight
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine

You were mine

So today in seminary we watched part of President Monson’s talk “Dare to Stand Alone.” We do these kinds of things frequently in my seminary class. I hadn’t heard that talk though, because it was in the priesthood session. It made me think really really hard. I need to make sure I’m strong enough to stand by myself. To stand up for something and stand alone. I think I am, but I need to keep doing things to really be sure that I am. I owe the Church everything that I am, and I need to make sure I’m worthy to go to the temple with that amazing boy some day and have that amazing family that I already love. In some areas I have had to stand alone. I have let go of things that other people haven’t. I have gotten through things that if I had been smart, I wouldn’t have had to go through.

ALSO in English the other day we watched part of Hamlet. And it made me so sad. They really really loved each other. I don’t think some people understand the past of Ophelia and Hamlet’s relationship. They weren’t just some crush that didn’t work out. They were in love. They were in love for the entire play. It hurt my heart a bit (And yes that is Ashley’s phrase that I just stole)

ALSO. Sometimes people just say that everything is fine…but then you continue to have proof that it’s not fine. Then what? Huh? That’s all 🙂

I love old movies. So very very very very much. And I haven’t watched a good old movie in a very long time. I need to fix that. But being in two one acts, being a back up singer in two songs PLUS being in eight more regular songs for the revue, having a ton of homework, working on DTV, and trying to have a healthy social life, I probably already watch more TV than I should 🙂 I waste more time than I should. But I think I’m figuring something out. People come and go in your life, your only obligation is to be happy. Of course you’re going to have unhappy days and not be happy with some rules, but in the end the rules are the things that make you happiest. That, I can guarantee. And I think that people are forgetting that obligation that they have, the one that says…”Who cares what they think, say, or want for you. What do you want? What do you need?” Crying is ok, it’s a healthy release of emotion that we keep bottled up too much. But I think there would be a lot less stress and unhappiness if people stepped back and said “In ten years, will this matter?” The answer to some things is yes; those are the important things. But the answer to that question for most everything we focus on is NO. It won’t matter. It doesn’t matter. So breathe, cry, laugh, sleep late, eat too much food, waste a little bit of time every day, pray a lot, get lost in the scriptures, work hard and play hard. Yeah 🙂