The first lesson on love that I really remember happened when I was really little, probably 3 or 4 at the most. I was invited to a birthday party at my good friend’s house, just a couple houses down from where my family lived. I walked over with my parents and then they left. Just a few minutes into the party I was overwhelmed and scared. There were so many adults that I didn’t know, my friend had her aunts and uncles invited, a bunch of her other friends and cousins that I didn’t know, and all I could feel was panic and fear. I just wanted to be home.
I walked out the door without telling anyone and walked home. I had never walked that far away by myself but I just remember running as fast as I could. I walked in the door and my mom asked what I was doing there, she asked how I’d gotten home, worried. I told her I had just wanted to come home, so I walked home. She asked if I wanted to go back to the party, and I told her no. She called over to let my friend’s mom know that I had come home, and then sat and played with me.
I will never forget the rush of love I felt seeing my own home, and my parents. It was this relief and security, knowing that everything would be OK.
This was my first memory of that rush of love and safety that comes from being home. Home is a place, and it’s people. I hadn’t really realized that before then.
Love is about safety, comfort, and that relief you feel when you are home, surrounded by people that will help you and take care of you. It’s a lesson that has stayed with me for years, and it hit me again and again as different things happened in my life. The moment when we said goodbye to a house and said hello to another, when I didn’t get along with my friends at school and felt so alone, when Randy left and all I wanted to do was be in my familiar home, leaving my home on my wedding day, making a new home, almost crying after Christmas when everyone in my family leaves home to go their separate ways.
Home and the people that live and love there is such a beautiful thing. And I am so happy I have a couple wonderful homes where I feel so safe and welcome.