So last night we watched Tangled in the gulley of my old neighborhood. I miss my neighborhood so much sometimes. I’m not quite home here yet, and I’m not sure I ever will be. I had a great night with a great guy 🙂 But…one of my best friends didn’t. She put on her smile like she always does, but I could tell it was killing her. I wasn’t as supportive as I should’ve been last night, I’m sorry hon. I just had no idea what to say. I had no idea how to drill it into his stupid head that he’s just hurting you and himself.

So here’s a few words I want to say to you. Not letting her be herself? That’s stupid. Being mad is fine. Not understanding is fine. Wanting some time to cool off, that’s fine too. But ruining her life and the lives of others? That is so junior high. Grow up.

Sometimes is a word that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. There are so many “sometimes” in my life right now.

Sometimes things don’t work out the way you thought. Sometimes they work out for the better, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you know something is going to happen, but you fight it because it’s not what you think you want. Sometimes people will hurt you and they don’t even know it. Sometimes the one thing you need to hear isn’t the thing they’ll say. Sometimes you fake a smile because sometimes, that’s all you can do. But on the other hand, sometimes that fake smile turns into a real one. And sometimes things work out in the least expected way. Sometimes you figure out you don’t need that person in your life, and sometimes, you’re stronger than you planned on being. Sometimes, “sometimes” can be a really good thing.

On another note, Hailee is leaving soon. I would regret not posting about how amazing she is and how glad I am that I got to know her for even a short time. She’s the kind of person I would like to be; open, friendly, sincere, hilarious, and incredibly sweet. So here’s to you Hailee…don’t marry a cowboy! 🙂

On yet another note…I heard a quote that I really really love today.

“Apologizing isn’t saying that you were wrong and they were right, it’s knowing that your relationship is more important than your ego.”

I’ve apologized more than enough. Ball’s in your court now buddy. It’s only holding you back.

So I’m going to be 18 in one week.

Terrifying?

Yes, yes it is.

I realized I have learned a lot in my 18 years that I didn’t plan on learning, and haven’t learned enough to be ready to be an adult.

I’ve learned how to fake a smile.

How to get over a broken heart.

How to figure out who real friends are.

How to listen, sometimes.

How to be a better person.

How to laugh through pain.

How to cry with someone in pain.

The list goes on and on. But I’ve made a list of things I want to do before my childhood comes to an end.

1. Play at the park

2. Color some pictures.

3. Run away from home for a minute.

4. Bubble bath.

5. Go on a bike ride.

6. Take a nap.

7. Get tucked in.

8. Roller blade.

9. Blow bubbles/draw with chalk.

10. Watch a Disney movie.

11. Get a kid’s meal.

12. Puddle jumping.

13. Play-doh.

14. Make a total mess of something

I am terrified of having to be an adult and fend for myself. But something I do know, is that I have had great parents who have gotten me this far, great friends who will help me continue to get farther, great family who always backs me up, someone that I care about who will be there for me 🙂 mistakes that I learned from and many more to make, and a whole world of experiences ready for me, the gospel which will get me farther than anything else in the world, and the testimony that I have that will change my life forever. Childhood, we’ve got one week left. Let’s make it count.

Today is Dallin’s birthday:) Happy birthday!!!

On another note….it’s great to find someone who makes you smile when you feel like crying. It’s great to have someone in your life who knows you better than anybody else, and still sticks around. Someone who has seen you cry, and laugh, and be mad as heck. Someone who has seen you on your bad hair days and best dressed days. Someone who knows almost all of your flaws. Someone who loves you for your flaws.

Sometimes life is disappointing. Things don’t seem to be going the way you want them to, and there is nothing you can do about it. But the best feeling in the world is to know that someone cares if you don’t feel good, and is happy because you’re happy.

So I used to write poems. Not so much anymore. But after reading Ash’s and Morg’s…I figured I should start again. Here goes.

You left me drowning.

All of you.

But I figured out how to swim.

With help from unexpected places.

From unexpected people.

And now I can begin again.

This time, it’s different.

It’s strange,

But good.

I’m afraid of drowning again.

Of losing the old.

But I’m more afraid of

Not finding the new,

Of regretting what

Could

Should

Would

Be.

So I’m jumping in again,

Head first.

I’m hoping, wishing, waiting,

Praying

That you won’t let me drown too.

That you’ll be there

If I fall

Stumble.

Not if, but when.

So I went to a good friend’s mission farewell on Sunday. It was incredibly sad. I’ve been to farewells, but this time it hit me that the guys that I spend most of my time with, are going to be gone in a year. I’m not sure what I’m going to do without them. It’s really scary knowing that things are going to change after this year, they already have changed I guess, but they’re going to change even more. But it’s ok. Because this year has already been spectacular, and it’s going to get even better. Because we’re going to become the power couple 😉 Hahaha anyways.

Life is good.

Smile.

🙂

So last night was the Viewmont Davis game. And it was spectacular. I worked and then when I got done, I went to the game, got the best hug of my life, spent time with my friends screaming and cheering for our team, got to see our team win, then spend even more time with friends who I love, and some other people who showed up. All in all, it was a spectacular night.

The thing is, I realized that the score of the football game was also kind of how my life is going. I feel like ever since things changed this summer, I’m soaring. And other people (cough cough) aren’t. Maybe because they’re stubborn and mad, maybe because they can’t grow up and forgive. Either way, my friends and I…we’ve got lots of points. And you have nothing. Zero.

Wanna know how I’m feeling today?

So many nights trying to hide it

But now I stay awake just pleading for more

To think this heart was divided

I’m losing sleep cause I can’t ignore…

Feeling your touch all around

Peacefully hearing the sound

Of silence around us, so glad we found us this way

Find me, here in your arms

Now I’m wondering where you’ve always been

Blindly, I came to you

Knowing you’d breathe new life from within

Can’t get enough of you

I want to be where you are

In times of need I just want you to stay

I leave a note on your car

When I can’t find the right words to say

Hearing your voice all around

The last place we’re going is down

I’ll blindly follow knowing you’re leading the way

Find me, here in your arms

Now I’m wondering where you’ve always been

Blindly, I came to you

Knowing you’d breathe new life from within

With you in time

There’s nothing else

My life stands still

You are the will that makes me strong

Make me strong

If ever alone in this world I know I’ll always…

Find me, here in your arms

Now I’m wondering where you’ve always been

Blindly, I came to you

Knowing you’d breathe new life from within

You sleep, here in my arms

Where the world just shuts down for awhile

Blindly, you came to me

Finding peace and belief in this smile

Find some peace and belief in this smile

Can’t get enough of you

So today was auditions for musical. Whatever. They were great. Everyone in the class is mondo talented. And everyone did really really well. We’re already bonding and learning how to just have fun with each other. Don’t get me wrong, it was nerve wracking. And terrifying. And thrilling. And horrid. All at the same time. But I’m finally realizing that this is us, this year. And that it’s going to be great. I’m not sure how I feel about my audition, to be honest I was more excited and worried about other people than myself. It was fabulous 🙂

Life is wonderful. Yes, school is a slight downer on my life every day, but I’m getting past that. Yesterday we went to Arby’s with our close friends and had a blast, almost got locked in Christian’s van, and gave the workers the greatest names when they had our food ready. DTV is going to be crazy and stressful this year, but I’ve never been more excited.

ALSO. Musical auditions are TOMORROW. Stress much? Yes. I had to write an essay on traditions in my family, and it made me realize how important my family is to me. I have no idea where I would be without them. We aren’t perfect, we aren’t even close. But that’s ok. And for the first time I think I’m finally figuring out how much our crazy fighting ways are perfect for me. My mom helped me go over the songs and I think I’m as ready as I can be. The rest is up to fate.

Fate has been very very kind to me lately. Having a crush on someone who might possibly like you back is absolutely thrilling. So is the idea that something that you never thought would happen, is happening. It’s amazing. You should try it sometime:)