So Randy and I went on a walk. On Lagoon Trail. And I maybe kinda, sorta, told this old man we were getting married. He asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Randy said yes, and I said, “Yes, actually we’re getting married in a few weeks.” The cute old man was so excited for us. He told us stories about his marriage and how when marriage gets tough, you just get down and pray. Randy and I were almost laughing the whole time, but it was actually great advice.

Then today we went to the temple and it was PACKED. But it was a really great time. I think all of the drama dust is settling and things are ok. It just goes to show you that you can have the worst day of your life one day, and the next day can be the best day of your life.

Also….I am addicted to pintrest. So I am posting some of my very favorite quotes from it 🙂

When a girl falls asleep texting you, it doesn’t mean she’s bored. It means she didn’t want to stop the conversation.

If he doesn’t chase you when you walk away, keep walking.

Wait for the boy who would do anything to be your everything.

Real men never stop showing a girl how much she means to him, even after he’s got her.

I’m the kind of girl that when I cry, I cry. When I fall for someone, I fall too hard. People tell me I’m too intense when it comes to my emotions. I’ll do anything to be around you. I don’t always look perfect and sometimes I’m insecure. And I may have my flaws, but I’ll love you better than anyone else ever could.

The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you weren’t worth the truth.

So I’m super sick of everyone being dramatic. Randy and I are together. Deal with it. I’m blissfully happy. Deal with it. Not everyone is going to be perfect and I get that, but I sure didn’t expect you to be the person to walk out of the room, and virtually out of my life. Because I thought you would be there. And you weren’t. I thought we could get through anything when we were TOGETHER. Yes it’s hard! Get over it! It’s so not worth losing everything to be right! Remember about apologizing? That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you so much stronger than the person that doesn’t apologize. It means you realize that your relationship is the most more important thing than your ego.

Ayn Rand has this thing about how the only thing that’s important is making sure you’re happy, and that you’re taken care of. That EGO is the most important thing. (Sometimes I pay attention in English :)) But I have news for you. Being happy is important. But sometimes, to be happy, you have to fake it until it happens. So you suck it up that people are cuddling around you. You get over the fact that it hurts. Trust me, I’ve been there. She didn’t even know that it killed me. He did. But you know what?? I valued what our friendship was more than what I was feeling. And so should you.

Things I want at some point in my life.

I want to go skydiving.
I want to be madly in love.
I want a house that I get to run my way.
I want to tuck little kids into bed every night.
I want to travel all over.
If I have a job, I want to love going into work.
I want to keep my friends and make new ones.
I want to be excited about every adventure that comes my way.
I want to forgive easily and rarely offend.
I want to love the gospel more and more every day.
I want to be happy, even on bad days.

There’s a lot of things I want. And I’m going to get them all 🙂

Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I’m here with you
I said the world could be burning (burning) down
Dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I’m here with you
I said the world could be burning now there’s nothing but dark blue

If you’ve ever been alone you’ll know dark blue
If you’ve ever been alone you’ll know (you’ll know)

I am obsessed with this song. Literally. And I don’t even know why….it’s just great. Things have been…weird lately. I just feel kind of like some things are perfect, and other things are ok, and some things aren’t going the way I want at all. It’s just like I’m watching other people live the life I used to be living, if that makes sense. Like I’m being replaced in almost every aspect of my life. It’s kind of weird to see; like I’m watching what I think should be happening to me, happen to other people. Like I’m just floating on the outskirts of my life. I guess I’ll get back into it at some point…hopefully.

Drama. It’s the best. Thankfully I’m not super involved, but I am involved because it involves my best friends. Let’s all just assume for the moment that we love each other. Because we do. And let’s assume that the opinions of our friends are important, because they are. So let’s sit down, duke it out, and be ok. Because yes it sucks, and trust me I know exactly how it feels. It kills to see them with someone else, even when you don’t think you still care. Because deep down you always will. That doesn’t mean that either of you are right, or that either of you are wrong. You’re feeling. You’re caring. That’s normal. So accept that, really feel how much it sucks for both of you, and then maybe you can think about what it’s like for the other person. Anyway…I love you both. And I don’t want this to ruin anything. So let’s be ok:)

On a much much lighter note. My love life is fabulous right now 🙂 Except for people who creep on us and make it awkward. That’s all. 🙂

Weekends are great 🙂 Sometimes, people visit me at work. And cup my car. And we go to a pond. And I fall asleep on the couch. And I have the greatest friends ever. Because sometimes, we go to church. And hear stories about Lord of the Rings. And secret notes are written. On paper and backs. And then we have dessert. And chips. And gossip. Weekends are fabulous 🙂

And sometimes there’s still drama. But do you know something? This year, I don’t care. Not one tiny bit. I want everyone to be happy. But sometimes that won’t happen. And that’s ok. We can get through anything, together 🙂

So yesterday was my day of birth. I am eighteen. It’s probably fine. So yesterday my lovely mom made me biscuits and we had sparkling cider (it was our Mormon champage) to celebrate. And then I opened my presents and got two movies that I love, itunes gift cards, some money, some gum, and some clothes and jewelry. Pretty great stuff. Then school was fabulous, and I got to spend some time with some amazing friends who are the best 🙂 Driving to Orange Leaf and around Kaysville, got a CD of some great songs and someone spent too much money on me 😉
I read Ash’s blog and started crying because she’s so good to me, all my friends are.

Then something happened to make me really question some decisions I’ve made. Of course, Randy was right there making it all better. But the fact that what this other person was saying was true really hit me. But something else hit me too. He has no right to tell me anything about my life or my decisions. He’s supposed to be completely focused on where his life is going in less than a week, and he’s caught up in high school, causing drama where it doesn’t need to be. So here’s my words to you. I feel bad for you. I’m sorry I didn’t feel that way about you, but it’s obvious why. You create contention and drama that frankly, I don’t need in my life. It’s just bringing you down. You can’t stand the fact that I am blissfully happy, and the fact that he might be too. But you know what? That’s your problem. Stop dragging me into it.

Today is a sad day….I’m 18. It’s a good day…birthday’s are great! But my childhood is gone….sad huh? It’s not really that different to be honest, but just the idea of being an adult is scary. I can barely function, let alone be an adult and actually take care of myself. But I have great friends and family who will help me get through anything. Even though I’m supposedly at an age where I can take care of myself, it’s good to know other people always will help take care of me 🙂

But I only see you, in all that I do
To the rest I am blind
I don’t want something new, other than you,
For the rest of my life

Benton Paul is brilliant. So last night was probably the best night of my life. I had a great time seeing some friends and eating chocolate and sitting by the fire. And then…some music on the drive home. Everything was absolutely perfect. And I don’t throw that word around a lot. Some things are falling apart, but everything is still perfect. And I love it.