Weekends are great 🙂 Sometimes, people visit me at work. And cup my car. And we go to a pond. And I fall asleep on the couch. And I have the greatest friends ever. Because sometimes, we go to church. And hear stories about Lord of the Rings. And secret notes are written. On paper and backs. And then we have dessert. And chips. And gossip. Weekends are fabulous 🙂

And sometimes there’s still drama. But do you know something? This year, I don’t care. Not one tiny bit. I want everyone to be happy. But sometimes that won’t happen. And that’s ok. We can get through anything, together 🙂

So yesterday was my day of birth. I am eighteen. It’s probably fine. So yesterday my lovely mom made me biscuits and we had sparkling cider (it was our Mormon champage) to celebrate. And then I opened my presents and got two movies that I love, itunes gift cards, some money, some gum, and some clothes and jewelry. Pretty great stuff. Then school was fabulous, and I got to spend some time with some amazing friends who are the best 🙂 Driving to Orange Leaf and around Kaysville, got a CD of some great songs and someone spent too much money on me 😉
I read Ash’s blog and started crying because she’s so good to me, all my friends are.

Then something happened to make me really question some decisions I’ve made. Of course, Randy was right there making it all better. But the fact that what this other person was saying was true really hit me. But something else hit me too. He has no right to tell me anything about my life or my decisions. He’s supposed to be completely focused on where his life is going in less than a week, and he’s caught up in high school, causing drama where it doesn’t need to be. So here’s my words to you. I feel bad for you. I’m sorry I didn’t feel that way about you, but it’s obvious why. You create contention and drama that frankly, I don’t need in my life. It’s just bringing you down. You can’t stand the fact that I am blissfully happy, and the fact that he might be too. But you know what? That’s your problem. Stop dragging me into it.

Today is a sad day….I’m 18. It’s a good day…birthday’s are great! But my childhood is gone….sad huh? It’s not really that different to be honest, but just the idea of being an adult is scary. I can barely function, let alone be an adult and actually take care of myself. But I have great friends and family who will help me get through anything. Even though I’m supposedly at an age where I can take care of myself, it’s good to know other people always will help take care of me 🙂

But I only see you, in all that I do
To the rest I am blind
I don’t want something new, other than you,
For the rest of my life

Benton Paul is brilliant. So last night was probably the best night of my life. I had a great time seeing some friends and eating chocolate and sitting by the fire. And then…some music on the drive home. Everything was absolutely perfect. And I don’t throw that word around a lot. Some things are falling apart, but everything is still perfect. And I love it.

So last night we watched Tangled in the gulley of my old neighborhood. I miss my neighborhood so much sometimes. I’m not quite home here yet, and I’m not sure I ever will be. I had a great night with a great guy 🙂 But…one of my best friends didn’t. She put on her smile like she always does, but I could tell it was killing her. I wasn’t as supportive as I should’ve been last night, I’m sorry hon. I just had no idea what to say. I had no idea how to drill it into his stupid head that he’s just hurting you and himself.

So here’s a few words I want to say to you. Not letting her be herself? That’s stupid. Being mad is fine. Not understanding is fine. Wanting some time to cool off, that’s fine too. But ruining her life and the lives of others? That is so junior high. Grow up.

Sometimes is a word that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. There are so many “sometimes” in my life right now.

Sometimes things don’t work out the way you thought. Sometimes they work out for the better, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you know something is going to happen, but you fight it because it’s not what you think you want. Sometimes people will hurt you and they don’t even know it. Sometimes the one thing you need to hear isn’t the thing they’ll say. Sometimes you fake a smile because sometimes, that’s all you can do. But on the other hand, sometimes that fake smile turns into a real one. And sometimes things work out in the least expected way. Sometimes you figure out you don’t need that person in your life, and sometimes, you’re stronger than you planned on being. Sometimes, “sometimes” can be a really good thing.

On another note, Hailee is leaving soon. I would regret not posting about how amazing she is and how glad I am that I got to know her for even a short time. She’s the kind of person I would like to be; open, friendly, sincere, hilarious, and incredibly sweet. So here’s to you Hailee…don’t marry a cowboy! 🙂

On yet another note…I heard a quote that I really really love today.

“Apologizing isn’t saying that you were wrong and they were right, it’s knowing that your relationship is more important than your ego.”

I’ve apologized more than enough. Ball’s in your court now buddy. It’s only holding you back.

So I’m going to be 18 in one week.

Terrifying?

Yes, yes it is.

I realized I have learned a lot in my 18 years that I didn’t plan on learning, and haven’t learned enough to be ready to be an adult.

I’ve learned how to fake a smile.

How to get over a broken heart.

How to figure out who real friends are.

How to listen, sometimes.

How to be a better person.

How to laugh through pain.

How to cry with someone in pain.

The list goes on and on. But I’ve made a list of things I want to do before my childhood comes to an end.

1. Play at the park

2. Color some pictures.

3. Run away from home for a minute.

4. Bubble bath.

5. Go on a bike ride.

6. Take a nap.

7. Get tucked in.

8. Roller blade.

9. Blow bubbles/draw with chalk.

10. Watch a Disney movie.

11. Get a kid’s meal.

12. Puddle jumping.

13. Play-doh.

14. Make a total mess of something

I am terrified of having to be an adult and fend for myself. But something I do know, is that I have had great parents who have gotten me this far, great friends who will help me continue to get farther, great family who always backs me up, someone that I care about who will be there for me 🙂 mistakes that I learned from and many more to make, and a whole world of experiences ready for me, the gospel which will get me farther than anything else in the world, and the testimony that I have that will change my life forever. Childhood, we’ve got one week left. Let’s make it count.

Today is Dallin’s birthday:) Happy birthday!!!

On another note….it’s great to find someone who makes you smile when you feel like crying. It’s great to have someone in your life who knows you better than anybody else, and still sticks around. Someone who has seen you cry, and laugh, and be mad as heck. Someone who has seen you on your bad hair days and best dressed days. Someone who knows almost all of your flaws. Someone who loves you for your flaws.

Sometimes life is disappointing. Things don’t seem to be going the way you want them to, and there is nothing you can do about it. But the best feeling in the world is to know that someone cares if you don’t feel good, and is happy because you’re happy.